Tarannus
Nebulae
5,279

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  • Merry Christmas Tarannus, I really hope you find some peace lately.
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    And a Merry Christmas to you Nov. Make sure to let those whom you love know that you do in no uncertain terms. Treasure what you have this holiday season <3
    So I've been consoling my Mom, my Sister, and my Nephew for 6 days... when can I mourn the loss of my Dad? I feel... very blank
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    Blackquill
    Blackquill
    You'll get through it Tar, like I told you on Steam.
    OneClassyBanana
    OneClassyBanana
    Speaking from experience, you will eventually find yourself unable to do anything but. Once the numbness passes - and that could take time, weeks, months - it's going to be a very hard thing to shake.
    OneClassyBanana
    OneClassyBanana
    But you will get through it. It's gonna hurt like HELL and it's not gonna get better for a while. But trust me. The time to mourn will come, and it'll come in waves. You'll get through this. My condolences and best of wishes going into the New Year.
    Hey, man. I really do hope you're doing okay. We all care about you.
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    Thank you @Silanus. It's been an exahusting day, but the day is almost done. The question of what comes next, especially for my mother, weighs pretty heavily on me.
    Sil
    Sil
    I genuinely do hope that the both of you are okay and can overcome what I can only imagine must be a terrible part in both of your lives. We're all happy to support you if you need any help during this time.
    If you can, and you mean it, give your parents a hug. A call. Tell them you love them. Please...
    D
    Deleted member 3818
    maybe when they aren't 3.4 seconds late to my fourth daily tendie delivery
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    On any other day I'd neb that. Today, unfortunately, I'm not in the frame of mind to do so.
    The Arecibo Radio Telescope, a National Science Foundation signature facility and National Historic Landmark was completely destroyed today.
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    This lack of attention to development for the sake of marginal financial gains equally obliterated the business climate of the country. US businesses after World War II, no longer exposed to overseas competition due to war and a perverse sense of economic justice by the Russians, were the only game in town.
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    Instead of translating that into long-term development, we've become lazy. Meanwhile other countries adapted our technology and sprang ahead. Instead of taking their lead, we cut costs. First in not adopting new equipment. Then shuttering divisions that don't produce instantaneous returns on investment.
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    At the end, all that's left to cut are salaries and social safety nets in order to protect jealously-guarded pet projects. It didn't have to be this way, but that requires seeing beyond the self. Since March, I doubt the country has the maturity and conviction to do that.
    My biggest fear is my isolation. If I were to take my life, I likely wouldn't be found for several weeks. That saddens me.
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    I know it's temporary, thanks to malfunctioning neurochemical pathways, but I can't see a way out. I don't feel like my voice or my opinions matter. At this point, all I want to do is just fade away, since I'm no longer a relevant part of history.
    Mic15000
    Mic15000
    Just make your own history that matters to you don't give up!! we're here for you if you need any help <3
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    Thank you all for your support yesterday. I sat down and had a mini intervention with my sister, and a friend of mine who's a psychologist at the lab. Things are looking a little better, and all of you helped. I can't thank you enough.

    -Tar
    you’re uniquely eloquent, good sir
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    I appreciate the compliment. I wish I posted more outside of these episodes of mania. When I get into a manic headspace, it's partially because I feel my value as a person has been stripped away for some reason. This has become a larger and more domineering part of my mindset since 2010.

    The posts are, in some measure, that I have, however small, some relevance and worth as a person.
    D
    Deleted member 374
    we all love you a lot tarannus <3
    best CA poster, always learn so much when you post
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    Thanks Aether! I should have included some additional citation links for those posts. I'd rather argue on specific points and policies than ephemeral or emotionally-charged concepts, since diving into those weeds really gets nowhere.
    I hate being manic.
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    Appetite Ruining Kebab
    Appetite Ruining Kebab
    tarannus, i genuinely can't conceptualize the shit youre going through, but i will say this - you've always handled your shit and your profile page is filled with proof of that. whatever's got you feeling bad today, i have no doubt that you'll be better sooner or later.

    love, ark
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    I hope so. I seriously hope so.

    The gravity of a Supreme Court ruling to repeal the ACA would be finanicially ruinous for my family. My Dad's impending perscription bills - should he lose his insurance due to his preexisting conditions - cost $62,000/month.

    Note that's /only/ his perscriptions, and doesn't include mandatory biweekly hospital visits to the tune of an additional $20,000/month.
    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    And there aren't any insurers worth their actuaries who would ever insure my parents due to their medical history. They'd never see a positive return on investment, so why bother?

    They're too young for Medicare, and the burden of his treatment has been declared not "onerous" enough to qualify for Medicaid. They would effectively lose everything, surrendering control of their assets, to qualify for any subsidies.
    Talking my parents off the metaphorical ledge tonight, since both have conditions that, pre-ACA, would make them ineligible for insurance.
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    Tarannus
    Tarannus
    And now I'm worried about their financial situation, as well as a ton of other issues with federal employees and loyalty tests possibly impacting research at the lab.
    GOD DAMN IT I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. I CAN'T SLEEP.
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