i wrote a short story for a competition

[Erkor]

facepunch has as hort story competition in the creativity corner so i joined in

it's partially inspired by things like half-life 2, jin-roh, with a very small tinge of metal gear and one particular theme in far cry 5 that i enjoyed

im going to expand this into a novella once the competition is over too

read: here

 

[Erkor]

i didnt post this for you clots to steal ideas and stare at it silently give me some fucking criticism

 

[Ond]

cant you post it in the thread

 

[Erkor]

cant you post it in the thread

WHAT

 

[Ond]

WHAT

hello can you not read

im not clicking that link

 

[jb]

hello can you not read

im not clicking that link

it’s a google docs link dingus

 

[Ond]

it’s a google docs link dingus

 

[Erkor]

IDIOT

 

[Piggo]

i didnt post this for you clots to steal ideas and stare at it silently give me some fucking criticism

when i read this it really does just seem very generic and "like the rest" of all other sci fi dystopias
Each one of those things you've taken inspiration from was very different from each other so shoving it all together and binding it with name changes and different descriptions doesn't work out imo