HOW TO PREPARE CEREAL FOR DUMMIES
Items required for this procedure:
- One cereal (or multi-purpose) bowl
- One spoon (preferably metal and not plastic)
- One box of cereal (don't eat it all fatty)
- One carton or jug of milk (don't use whole)
**Follow the steps listed below as accurately as possible. Deviating from the directions could result in atomic stupidity.
1. Take your cereal bowl and set it down on a placemat or paper towel on your table. Make sure that the bowl is leveled or well-centered to minimize the loss of milk or cereal soldiers during your consumption.
2. Take a large sheet of paper towel and place it on your knees. Then tuck a bib into your shirt. Throw them both out immediately, this isn't a fancy country club dinner.
3. Set your (preferably metal) spoon down on the placemat or paper towel your bowl is resting on, either to the left or right of the bowl.
4. Take your box of cereal, open it. Ensure that the plastic bag inside is opened.
5. Dump the cereal box contents into the bowl, make sure to pinch the top of the bag's corners to minimize casualties in the airdrop. Shake the box as needed to make the process faster.
6. Call in a nuclear strike: unscrew the cap or other mechanism on top of your milk carton or jug, then dump it into the bowl of cereal. Stop about 3/4 of the way there so you don't end up making a needless mess and stubbing your toe out of anger
(again).
7. Sit down and enjoy your meal. Be sure to chew with your mouth closed. Chewing with your mouth open is for peasants and baby you's a queen.
8. Refill the bowl once more. Repeat steps 1-7.
9. Set bowl in pile of dishes in the sink. Return to your quiet abode until you forget those dirty dishes exist.
10. At 1 A.M, be sure to wash the dishes as loudly as you can to ensure your neighbors know you are alive. This is doubly effective if you live with roommates or parents. (P.S, musicians can practice beats with this.)
ENJOY! Hopefully these instructions are helpful to you.