Denied Mr dimbo's Vortigaunt App

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Mr dimbo

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Steam name: Meme_Lord_Satan
Previous experience with Vortigaunt factions: Cataclysm, Willard Networks.
Have you read the Vortigaunt Guide? Yes.


Character Name: Tua'Lik
What kind of character do you plan on portraying? How do their traits distinguish them from the rest of their species?: The vortigaunt has no trust to the Humans, they find them intolerable. They only assist them as they fight the combine like they do, otherwise, they wouldn't bother helping them in their endeavors.
Brief Backstory:


Tua'Lik, a Vortigaunt like any other. They were summoned on the border world xen, and were a slave, like any other. Doing the Nihilanths bidding as they pleased..
Their story on Xen is none of major importance, but on earth, is where it is most interesting.

Summoned unwillingly onto this planet, they were confused, frightened. And most of all.. Angry. They saw the Humans slaughter their Kin, even if it was in self defense they didn't see it that way, no. They sought revenge against the Humans, even if it were to be useless, they did not care.. For months, even years, they ravaged chaos onto the Humans, until, the vortessence echoed of an 'alliance' with the Humans, one they did not understand all to well, even if it was against the combine. But, after seeing their usefulness against them, they tolerated the alliance.. But not the species themselves. Tua'Lik, outside its slavery, was summoned as a warrior, a respected one. Even still, it understood many of its Kin did not respect its hatred towards humanity, rightfully or not.
Humans and Vorts alike began to notice its 'hobbies'. One of which, oddly enough, baking. No other forms of cooking, just baking. I-E, cakes, cupcakes, bread, anything, it turned out, they were a big animal lover. Never attacking a Xenian or Earthling beast unless attacked themselves, and it mainly ends in the beast living with minor-major injuries. Despite all of this, Humans were never able to garner its trust, they even refused to have a name given to them. Until they were given the nickname 'grumpy' by humans, one they did not allow. And would eventually be dropped when Tua had attacked one Human for calling them such, thus people simply calling them 'Them' or 'It' or simply 'Vort'..

In the end, it did not care if they liked them or not. It simply wanted what remained of the combine gone, with, or without the Humans help.


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What kind of group(s) are you planning to work with (if any)?: We'll find out IC.
Do you intend to request a power specific to your character? If so, specify (Keep in mind you cannot use this in S2K situations): No.​
 
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This is going to be my first denial ever, so I want to do it justice and make sure you understand why.

1. Your writing leaves a lot to be desired; and it isn't simply an issue of me finding personally unengaging to read - your backstory is littered with frequent grammar errors and questionable choices of phrasing. Pedantic as it sounds, little mishaps like this can harm players' immersion in the idea that you're playing an alien species with frightening coherence in human languages.

2. I've personally had experiences with your Vortigaunt outside of this community before; brief as they may have been, they left me with a strong impression that you shouldn't have been portraying one in the first place. Granted, different communities have different standards on what makes for good 'VortRP', and I'm open to the idea that you've improved vastly since then, but the way this application reads doesn't give me that impression.

3. I just personally don't find Vortigaunts who outright 'hate' humans to be very interesting; if there is animosity with their allied species, I prefer there is more nuance to it than that, and I prefer there is more justification to it than base game story reasons, given that every Vort you meet in the game is very adept at shelving their discontent for humanity to the point you can hardly tell. ("We will put aside Black Mesa... for now." etc.). This one isn't necessarily a 'denial reason', but it also means I don't really have a reason to go to bat for you and provide you any special exceptions.

Normally I tend to give new players a chance and accept them on trial if they put effort into their application; but not only have you not given me any outstanding reasons to make an exemption for you, but I also know for a fact that you're not a new player. You've been around and doing this consistently for at least two years. I'd like to see you grow into a better writer before you jump into the faction.

Prod me on discord if you ever want to talk more in depth about writing a better app/general advice.

MightyKebab#9067

You may reapply in one week, provided the apps are open.

Denied.
 
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