SAILORS ARE THE SINGLE MOST WHINEY YET ALSO THE MOST BOLD ON THE SEVEN SEAS. WHILE THEY WILL TAKE UP NIGH RIDICULOUS TASKS OF MOST, IF NOT ALL OF THE BURRIED TREASURES, THEY CANNOT HANDLE THE REAL FLAK IT BRINGS AROUND WITHOUT QUITE CAREENING PAST HIGH TIDES AND SHARKS AWAITING THEM WITH OPEN JAWS
FUCK YOU GUYS. I HATE ORGANISING SHIPS FOR YOU BECAUSE I HAVE TO STRUCTURE PRECAUTIONS FOR YOU NOT TO DIE, INSTEAD OF YOU TAKING IT UP ON THE CHIN, PURELY BECAUSE I HAVE TO RUN THE RISK OF SOAKING UP YOUR WHINEY BEHAVIOR. YOU EITHER WIN OR IT'S A DUMB FUCKING "THE SEA IS HELL, THE SEA IS HELL GUYS" STALEMATE OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
HERE ARE SEVERAL NAMED EXAMPLES AS TO HOW YOU HAVE EITHER PERPETUATED CUNTY BEHAVIOR, OR WE HAVE GIVEN YOU CRUTCHES AND AS MANY LEMONS TO FEND OFF SCURVY AS WE CAN SO WE DON'T HAVE TO RISK HEARING ALL THE BITCHING AND MOANING, THROUGHOUT THE LATEST PARASAILING, WEEK, MONTH, LAST MONTH, LAST YEAR, WHATEVER ELSE. THEY INCLUDE REAL SCENARIOS TOO, WHICH IS PROBABLY THE HIGHLIGHT OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE ATTITUDES
WALLACE THE UNKILLABLE AND CREW DECIDE TO STAND OFF 3 NAVY SHIPS LAYING DOWN SUPPRESSIVE CANON FIRE. SURPRISE SURPRISE, WALLACE GETS ACCIDENTALLY DINKED AS HE UNCROUCHES AND DIES FOR HIS BOLD AF ACTION. WE REEL HIM BACK ON SHORE AND GIVE HIM A PART OF THE TREASURE WHICH HE HARDLY DESERVED, WHICH IS OK, FUCK BEING POOR, BUT IT ONLY REALLY HAPPENED BECAUSE PEOPLE WOULD SING SORROW SEA SHANTIES ON THE SHIP RIDE HOME
ABOVE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. THOOD THE ETERNAL CHILD GETS HELD HOSTAGE IN AN ENEMY SHIP TO WHICH THEN MY CREW BEGIN LOBBING MOLOTOVS INTO IT. THE OPPOSING CREW EXECUTE THOOD FOR IT. THOOD'S SOUL BEGINS TORTURING ME EVERY MOMENT I DARE TO SET SAIL ON THE OPEN WATERS.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. ECHS DEE THE POLISH SEAMAN TANKS A SHITLOAD OF SHOTS FROM NAVY OVER HIS BULLSHIT ADVANCEMENT AFTER THEY ALL CHUGGED MORE MOLOTOVS THAN THEY HAD MEN, IGNORING CANON FIRE. IN MY ENGAGEMENT WITH THIS POLISH SEAMAN, HE YELLS FROM HIS VESSEL TO MINE, "YARGH, IF YE WEREN'T SUCH A COWARD WITH A BELLY FULL OF UNEARNED WHISKEY AND SHAFT OF WOMEN UGLIER THAN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR AGE OLD SHIP, YOU'D BE GUTTED WHERE YOU STAND!" DESPITE HOLDING A BLUNDERBUSS CAPABLE OF HITTING ME; HE OBVIOUSLY KNEW HE'D LOSE A GUNFIGHT AGAINST ME, SO HE OF COURSE SAILED AWAY!
IN THE FINAL STAND OF THE BATTLE FOR THE BERMUDA TREASURE, THE BLOCKADE MY CREW SET UP WAS OPENED FORCEFULLY WHILE THE EXPLICIT PLAN WE ON MY CREW WAS DESIGNED TO HAVE IT BE AN IMPENETRABLE CHOKEPOINT ON THE BEWILDERING STORM (WHICH THE SAILORS GOT THROUGH ANYWAY, THROUGH A MULTITUDE OF DAVY JONE'S DIRTY LUCK) -SAILORS FLOOD IN THRU THE DEBRIS, AND AFTER A LITTLE SCUFFLE, ONE OF THE SURRENDERED NAVYMEN OFFERS MEDICAL AID TO GAZRA THE WISE AND PATCHES HIM UP, BUT THEN GAZRA ASKS IF HE CAN OFFER HIS LIFE TO DAVY JONES IMMEDIATELY AFTER, HARHARHAR!
ABOVE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. THOOD THE ETERNAL CHILD GETS HELD HOSTAGE IN AN ENEMY SHIP TO WHICH THEN MY CREW BEGIN LOBBING MOLOTOVS INTO IT. THE OPPOSING CREW EXECUTE THOOD FOR IT. THOOD'S SOUL BEGINS TORTURING ME EVERY MOMENT I DARE TO SET SAIL ON THE OPEN WATERS.
AGAIN, ABOVE THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. ECHS DEE THE POLISH SEAMAN TANKS A SHITLOAD OF SHOTS FROM NAVY OVER HIS BULLSHIT ADVANCEMENT AFTER THEY ALL CHUGGED MORE MOLOTOVS THAN THEY HAD MEN, IGNORING CANON FIRE. IN MY ENGAGEMENT WITH THIS POLISH SEAMAN, HE YELLS FROM HIS VESSEL TO MINE, "YARGH, IF YE WEREN'T SUCH A COWARD WITH A BELLY FULL OF UNEARNED WHISKEY AND SHAFT OF WOMEN UGLIER THAN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR AGE OLD SHIP, YOU'D BE GUTTED WHERE YOU STAND!" DESPITE HOLDING A BLUNDERBUSS CAPABLE OF HITTING ME; HE OBVIOUSLY KNEW HE'D LOSE A GUNFIGHT AGAINST ME, SO HE OF COURSE SAILED AWAY!
IN THE FINAL STAND OF THE BATTLE FOR THE BERMUDA TREASURE, THE BLOCKADE MY CREW SET UP WAS OPENED FORCEFULLY WHILE THE EXPLICIT PLAN WE ON MY CREW WAS DESIGNED TO HAVE IT BE AN IMPENETRABLE CHOKEPOINT ON THE BEWILDERING STORM (WHICH THE SAILORS GOT THROUGH ANYWAY, THROUGH A MULTITUDE OF DAVY JONE'S DIRTY LUCK) -SAILORS FLOOD IN THRU THE DEBRIS, AND AFTER A LITTLE SCUFFLE, ONE OF THE SURRENDERED NAVYMEN OFFERS MEDICAL AID TO GAZRA THE WISE AND PATCHES HIM UP, BUT THEN GAZRA ASKS IF HE CAN OFFER HIS LIFE TO DAVY JONES IMMEDIATELY AFTER, HARHARHAR!
WE'VE BUILT UP THIS SILLY MENTALITY WHERE SAILORS CAN NOT DIE UNLESS IT'S IN A GRANDIOSE BIG FINAL BAR BRAWL! THEY ALSO CAN NEVER PROPERLY LOSE IN SEA BATTLES BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN "THEIR EFFORTS GO UNREWARDED"!
SUFFICE TO SAY DON'T APPLY FOR THE NAVY, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT READY TO WALK THE PLANK INTO A SEA OF FLAME AND BE DENIED OF ALL THE BENEFITS AND OPPORTUNITIES YOU HAVE NOW!
AND BEFORE YOU SAY "BUT YOU GET WEAPONS AND SUPPORT BY THE GOVERNMENT!" WHAT GOOD IS THAT WHEN YOU NEVER GET TO DIG UP LONG LOST TREASURE AFTER A LIFE-LONG JOURNEY THROUGH THICK FOG AND SCURVY!
MY RANTING IS COMPLETE, FOR I HAVE BEEN CALLED TO LEAVE THE CAPTAIN'S QUARTERS AND RETURN TO THE DECK, FOR A VAST CREW HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ON THE SEALINE!
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