Serious why live

[Deleted member 7099]

i'm a person, at least i like to think i am most of the time. a lot of things i think of, a lot of my thoughts are so intrusive on my mind i wish i didnt think at all. most of it feels beyond simple depression as if im reaching a conclusion in thought, as if one day it'll all culminate into one final concept that wraps up every question i have about myself and this life i live --already this probably reads like an insane person
but that doesnt really matter. everything looks insane if you're not the one who wrote it.

i try to be as nice as my temper issues let me. as much as i'd absolutely love to be free of anger and just be as nice as humanly possible to every i physically cannot bring myself to lie to myself to force kindness onto people, whom may not even deserve kindness. stretched thin is how i feel, stretched to an absolute apex that i absolutely cannot escape from. every day i realize some part of this, that no matter how hard i try i'll always feel uncomfortable and miserable. n o matter who i surround myself with, or if i'm all alone, no matter who i am or who i'd like to be, who i say i am and who i really am, no matter how many times i can imagine a better life to live in or try to come to terms with the one i'm in now, i'll always. just be miserable, no matter what philosophy i follow or religion i believe in, the authority i respect and the authority i question, or if i even respect anyone at all, no matter what i'll always be wrong. something about my creation whether i was literally created by a god as religious people like to say, if i were created by an utterly cruel third party being, omnipresent and interdimensionally enacting a reign of suffering on living life forms for no reason, or if it was just a spur of the moment act of science doing bullshit- no matter what i feel objectively wrong with myself. with my body and my mind and mentality, what i believe in and what i don't, to the point where i dont know what i do and don't believe is true in the least deranged way i can possibly word that. i cant even begin to fathom what other people are like on the inside, if they are what they say they are, if they believe in what they say they believe in

i'm gonna try not to write like a maniac for a moment. ive told this story before but i'll tell it again in more detail. i knew someone named jibbuhno, i met him in a discord server that was literally just a joke about my name jeff. it was an annual server made every year where a bunch of people from a specific twitter friend group were invited. i knew a lot of people there, but jibb i haven't met until then. we shared a lot of friends and interests, and eventually i ran a minecraft server with him which eventually evolved into him making his own discord community, a tightly woven friend group with so many people i'm still friends with today. i love them so dearly, ive known them so long, and there's so little people i can trust as much as them. it was so much fun, so many injokes were sprung up, so many memorable conversations, so many memorable moments and jokes. i feel like the experience improved myself as a person, my social skills, just being a friend. i miss it so badly. i miss it so much, i'd give anything just to have that dynamic back, to have that time back. to rewind it all and be happy again for the rest of my life. that's not possible. jibb introduced me to one of my best friends in the middle of this community's lifespan. i'm still friends with him to this day , such an incredibly kind person. little did i fucking know the entirety of that time he was grooming and sexually harassing him and threatening him to keep him from speaking up. after a while, he told me everything he could, about what jibb did to him. he told me things about jibb i never knew, how he was a natural liar and an incredibly shady mother fucker. when i tried to confront him he just.lied as he usually did. he lied to everyone who tried to confront him. until eventually, the person who he sexually manipulated publicly outed it all. it was a relief to finally be able to not have to pretend to be his friend just to talk to the people i loved, it was a relief to pretend to like a lying fucking pedophile just to not have him lie about me and make me out to be an insane person. i was so incredibly relieved, but.a little after that the friendgroup died. nobody wanted to talk to eachother after the situation. the community died.

jibb was always lying straight to my face. how am i not to think everyone else isnt? that someone else is exactly like him, a lying scheming pedophile trying to blend in and feel normal while ruining the life of a minor for their own sexual pleasure. how do i know everyone claiming to be a friend isnt just constantly trying to hurt me the closer we get. it's easy to say "why would they" but it's easier to say "why wouldn't they". constantly again and again ive been lied to about a person's true motives, their true self. when i asked jibb about pedophile, he'd say it was wrong.

why live doe. in a finished world of hateful people, pedophiles. why live in a world ran by rich and famous pedophiles. why live in a world where the underbelly of existence, a crawling hive of maggots called pedophiles not only call the shots of everything on this world but also try to infect everything. when walking targets get to decide everything in the world, when the most hated and vile people are surrounding you slowly and carefully without your realization. who next will be the next famous pedophile? who's next, the person i've known for years being outed? it's happening so many times. so many people i've known for so long, cared for, loved as my friends, turned out to be the most death-deserving cretins that a boot can trample the life out of. why live in a hateful world of child exploitation, and a needlessly hateful world of everyone trying to desperately to get at each other's necks, a world of vile villainy supported by governments. i struggle to motivate myself to live.life truly does feel like it's out to get you.

 

[Black Rain (1989)]

There are people who love you and that should be reason enough.

This too shall pass.

 

[afric]

You live for the times you enjoyed with this friend group and no doubt these times will return.

While the memory of what you loved is tainted by what you now know, it is better for the individual described, and even yourself, as you say, to know the truth without having the burden to lie.

Press on, for yourself, your family, for those friends, no matter how distant they are now. They all still care about you.

 

[Ond]

if you're genuinely considering it

https://nebulous.cloud/threads/suicide-prevention-help.30865/

don't do it to the people who appreciate you

 

[bigdaddyman413]

Not a good writer, but, my best wishes and prayers are with you, friend, if you ever need help to ease the stress and lift the burden, I'm always around to talk and help out, and I'm sure many others in this community would say and do the same.

Stay strong, my friend.

 

[The Catastrophe Maker]

1. you only live once - might as well make the best of it
2. death affects the people who appreciate you
3. death can be p. painful and be prolonged. why inflict unnecessary pain and suffering upon yourself and others?
4. at the doorstep of death, one might actually change his/her mind as their survival instincts kick in and one realizes the pain they're in for

unless one is in horrible constant incurable physical pain or literally can't do anything physically because of a degenerative disease or a terrible accident, i'd understand why one would want to die and end their suffering, but one must also keep in mind that it is selfish to kill themselves (but then again, everyone has a right to their own body) since it can affect other people.

but why should a young person who still has a lot to explore and enjoy in life in many aspects both in concrete physical and more abstract manners cease to exist?

mental states may form the world one lives in, but they can also be flexible and thereby improvable. why give up hope?

"Life is pain, but many think a painless existence would be magical. However, without pain and suffering, how would we truly know happiness?"

 

[Deleted member 3818]

I'm not really anyone to be giving advice to people so take it with a grain of salt, but personally I believe If I was ever really at the point of ending it all I'd just go and do something crazy with my life instead. Think of something that you'd love to do with your life, something that would give you fulfilment and reason to live and just do it. whether it be something like going out to rescue abandon animals, or becoming a monk or going on some adventure to a far away land, whatever it is that your heart may desire, life is full of opportunity and experience and it should never be wasted. Wish you all the best though.

 

[vtipoman]

Honestly, I'm afraid to give any concrete advice/opinions (not a psychologist/psychiatrist, hell, I am going to start visiting one myself again soon), but I still want to give it a shot.

Depression/anxiety has a way of convincing you everything is much more bleak than it actually is, convincing you that there's no way things will ever be better. You really need to hold onto the hope that things can get better and act on it however you can. Please, don't tell yourself you will always be miserable and things will always be bad. Don't tell yourself that there is no way out. Don't attack yourself over your own problems- problems are something one needs to work to improve, not hate themselves for having to deal with, we don't choose what problems we end up with. I'm certain whatever problem it is that you currently have can be improved on. I can't guarantee how much, but it's probably way more than you believe, and certainly worth trying. Even if you tried before and failed- perhaps you were missing something, perhaps there's a better way to approach it?

In the same vein, I also don't think the world is as bad as you see it as. I'm not saying this to argue, I might very well be wrong, it's just an alternative view to consider. Yeah, there are fucked up people around, but there are also genuinely good people, and tons of people who are mostly average, maybe a bit on the good side, maybe a bit on the bad, but definitely far from fucked up. I'd think it's ought to be the same in positions of power. For every person doing fucked up shit, there are people fighting againts that.

I get it's hard to trust people after what happened, and that it must have been incredibly shitty to have happen to you, but I believe it is also something you can move on from.

Just.. don't give up hope that it can be better, and don't be too hard on yourself for it all. If you need to, try to find a psychologist/psychiatrist, absolutely no shame in visiting one.

Also, you certainly don't sound insane or deranged, just at a really bad spot mentally.

Sorry if any of this sounded stupid or inconsiderate or such, I'm probably not good at this, but I didn't want to forego responding either.

Spoiler: rare sleepy cat to boost mood

 

[Sil]

There will always be bad people out there, that manipulate and use deceit to achieve their goals no matter how morbid.

It is a depressing inevitable.

However, there will always be good people out there that try their best to help others and get rid of the bad people.

I see it as an uplifting inevitable.

I'm not going to lie to you and say I completely understand your situation, because I don't. I don't know what it's like to know someone being groomed, I don't know what it's like to be groomed, and I don't know what it's like to be in that situation. But, what I do know, is that there's more to life. More than being upset and hateful, more than wishing the bad things disappeared.

The way I rationalize it, is like this. If there were no bad in the world, then there'd be no good too. Both work on a metric of opposition, and removing one side means the other must go too, else the one side splits and restores equilibrium. For every pedophile and chomo, there's a humanitarian and a doctor looking to protect and save the weak. For every Jimmy Saville, there's a Mister Rogers.

And, at the end of the day, if you don't see people like that around you, then be that person. Even if you're on your own, doing it with next to no support, the fact that you're trying is good enough evidence that there's something in this world to look forward to.

Stay safe, Yurrie.

 

[GenericPlayer]

Little bit late here but, life is going to kick you in the crotch, repeatedly, all throughout your life. That's a fact of life. But life isn't really determined by how hard you get kicked, it's determined by if you get back up afterwards.

Why get back up? Because there's more to life than what's happened in the past, there's no telling what's to come next, could be cool, could be shitty, but it's something. It's an experience nonetheless. Go do the shit you like to do, do it in spite of the shitty things that happen, you might not always have that opportunity. Life is a gamble like that, but a gamble is better than nothing at all.

You're not always gonna feel miserable either. Trust me, been there, it doesn't last forever. It can last for a long time sure, but not 'always'. You have ups and downs. That's the fun of life, you get to experience both.

And it's normal not to always be kind. We're all human, we have limits. Intrusive thoughts happen, whether you act on them or not is what matters, you're not 'insane' for having any. Also overthinking whether or not your friends are secretly awful people or not just isn't gonna get you anywhere, might cause more damage in the long run, can lose folk that way.

Maybe this ain't the best advice ever, but live regardless of the nasty stuff. Don't just 'survive' or worse, end it, but genuinely go out and try to experience what life has to offer, whatever that may be for you. Things change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for worse, but they change, nothing is permanent.

You'll be alright Yurrie.

 

[Trains]

i’m not the best at offering advice and stuff to people over the internet, but i 100% agree with what everyone’s been saying

the world is a horrible place, but at the same time it’s also a wonderful place
when you’re in a bad place it’s hard to see the good in the world, but it’s there

there’s people that love you and care about you, even if you don’t believe there are. there’s always someone

i’ve been there myself my dude and i know how shit and hopeless it feels but things work out in the long run, you just gotta trust in it

 

[Deleted member 61]

Life is full of highs and lows and you should always end on a high note, preferably in a bed surrounded by loved ones.

The world is full of crime, violence, disorder and wickedness. By not succumbing to the brutalities of the world, by recognizing the sickness among us and standing up against it.

when i tried to confront him he just.lied as he usually did.

It doesn't matter that he lied. You cannot control him. What matters is that you confronted him and called him out on it. Other people might have shrugged it off, disengaged or even worse, rejecting somebody who was in need's cry for help. You have good in you, and every good person that leaves this earth only makes the world a worse place.

The world is good and evil. Humans are good and evil. Find something you passionately distaste, like pedophilia, and work against it. Go out of your way to support victims and potential victims through volunteering, or find a place you can get paid to work against the sickness of this world.

Personally, I got sick and tired of watching the world burn, fentanyl poisoning teens, girl raped and murdered then burned by the creek or a drunk driver plowing into a cop cruiser, killing a mother. These are just local problems burnt into my mind that drive me to be more than the average complacent consumer-citizen. I look to the Quebec and the Christchurch mosque shootings, the Bataclan, the school shootings across America, cities burning. I always felt a sense of helplessness, seeing these heinous acts revolve around me and I thought to myself, what can I do to help this miserable world? I figure, well, probably by picking a career to help others, not help myself to a fat check.

I'm not telling you to apply to become a cop, or telling you to do anything at all. I'm telling you that if you feel more passionate about the tragedy in this world happening, more than you are passionate about things you enjoy or love, then perhaps, you should consider what you're doing now, and what you could be doing to give yourself the proud and passionate sensation that you are making a stand and doing something.

Remember, no matter what, you have something to be grateful for, whether its your immediate family, your ancestors, your friends or pets. The world does not revolve around the universe, the world does not revolve around you, or I. The world revolves around each and every single one of us.

I don't think we see eye-to-eye on a whole lot, but I pray the one with we see eye-to-eye on is that you, your life, your well-being is valuable, not something to be discarded. You have so much to offer the world if you believe in yourself and become the best 'you' you can be. We all struggle with this, and some people never manage it, but its the journey that matters and so long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself with a straight face, "I am a good human being", you are doing better than most people. Don't be ashamed or afraid to seek professional help. You owe it to yourself and those around you who love you.

 

[Clokr]

Yurrie.

I know you don’t know me, as I don’t know you either. But I can feel your pain as if it were my own, believe me.

I have attempted to take my own life on multiple occasions. At least once by known methods, or ones easily accessible.

Some times have ended me up in a gurney. Others shaken. But one thing that sticks with all those attempts I’ve had in the past, is regret.

I have also been pronounced medically deceased once before. And I can safely say I’ve seen the “light” others speak of. If my family had not have been there at the right time. I wouldn’t be here to help others in their time of struggle.

One thing I’ve noticed that always seems to help me. Is simply focusing on the now, forgetting the past or future. I just focus on what I’m doing now.

If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, let the whole damn continent hear you.

A mistake I’ve made, is focusing on others, and putting themselves over me. It’s sadly just my character where I put others above myself and fail to even look after myself and do the simplest thing as brushing my teeth.

It may be hard to listen, or understand even. But from experience I can tell you. From your worst, you’ll blossom harder and more beautifully then you could ever imagine.

The most difficult battle is always with yourself. And you’re already way stronger then you give yourself credit for. Just wait until you win. You’ll never believe where you end up.

No matter how dark it gets, no matter how hard or far you fall, no matter how badly you’re hurt. You’re never out of the fight, and no matter how alone you think you are. Someone will always be there to give you a hand. Maybe not physically, but I’ll be damned if I just let another warrior rest on their knees.

Take time for yourself, spend days just walking around your place in your skivves or even just sitting up in bed and just going downstairs or to the kitchen for a fuckin load of bread or some shit. Focus on the NOW, and toss all those worries down the shitter.

Hit up that one friend you haven’t spoken to ina while. Go for a walk around the block or even take a bath instead of a shower or do something out of routine for yourself. TREAT YOSELF GURL!!

Legit can’t even explain in words how much you mean to people you don’t even know or have never seen. Hell im one of them you could say.

If you ever wanna chat, get some shit off your chest or whatever. You can feel free to hmu. I’m always willing and ecstatic to listen and try and give you some tips or help even. Asking for help is always the hardest part. And you’ve done yourself a great service even just writing this shit up. As silly as it may seem.

Sorry I’m prolly just rambling now I’ll stop before I turn this into a fuckin essay

 

[Oxy[Morons]]

what always got me through all my shit was always thinking “this won’t matter in two years”

 

[Deleted member 243]

Why live? Because every day there will be people that doubt you and people that love and support you. Prove the doubters wrong and reassure your lovers that you are, in fact, motivated enough to win at life.

 

[ovxy]

I haven't known you for long but the short period of time that I did know you has showed me that you are a great person and a very valued member of the community.
I still remember the fun events you did for cops at low pop. You're great, ignore the idiots that think they can harm you and stay strong Yurrie.

 

[Rabid]

Yurrie good person.

Don't be sad. Life always gets better :)