the fucking feel when i will never have a beautiful polish gf who will flee with me to paris, leave me and return to poland, and my love for her is so intense that i go back to polish gulag but my connections to the art world get me leniency and im let out early just in time to find the love of my life has married a fucking snake party boss and has a kid but she leaves with me and we run away to the village where i first heard her sing and we overdose on pills and sit at the side of the road, waiting for the peace of death, knowing that we can escape this (worse than the combine nightmare world) only in death