Tarannus
Last Activity:
Nov 28, 2020 at 6:27 AM
Joined:
May 19, 2016
Messages:
356
Nebulae:
3,831
Trophy Points:
203
Birthday:
July 31
Location:
Black Mesa
Occupation:
Lab Employee

Tarannus

Some of the time takes pictures, from Black Mesa

So help me god, I fired up EVE Online for the first time in seven years Nov 25, 2020 at 6:16 PM

Tarannus was last seen:
Viewing member profile Subeh, Nov 28, 2020 at 6:27 AM
    1. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      So help me god, I fired up EVE Online for the first time in seven years
      1. Nov and constantdisplay gave nebulae to this.
      2. aperson
        aperson
        big mistake
        Nov 25, 2020 at 6:35 PM
        Nov and Tarannus gave nebulae to this.
      3. Dallas
        Dallas
        uh oh
        Nov 25, 2020 at 6:50 PM
        Nov and Tarannus gave nebulae to this.
    2. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      1. Comrade Revan and Silanus gave nebulae to this.
      2. Silanus
        Silanus
        T-Minus 10 Minutes!
        Nov 16, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    3. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Buying a car is a surreal experience.
      1. Mute gave a nebula to this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Tarannus
      4. Mute
        Mute
        Thats a car alright
        Nov 13, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
      5. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        On the plus side, it was all done online and it was delivered right to my house!
        Nov 14, 2020
        Comrade Revan gave a nebula to this.
    4. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      The support from the community over the past week has been incredible. Thank you all, I owe you a debt of massive gratitude <3
      1. TommyGman0100, key, SleepyMode and 9 others found this nebulous.
      2. Blackquill
        Blackquill
        You're a big part of neb Tar, you might not realise it but you are :)
        Nov 10, 2020
        Nov, TommyGman0100, key and 2 others found this nebulous.
    5. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      My biggest fear is my isolation. If I were to take my life, I likely wouldn't be found for several weeks. That saddens me.
      1. Comrade Revan, Silanus, Deathwolf and 2 others found this nebulous.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I know it's temporary, thanks to malfunctioning neurochemical pathways, but I can't see a way out. I don't feel like my voice or my opinions matter. At this point, all I want to do is just fade away, since I'm no longer a relevant part of history.
        Nov 4, 2020
        Silanus and Appetite Ruining Kebab gave nebulae to this.
      4. Mic15000
        Mic15000
        Just make your own history that matters to you don't give up!! we're here for you if you need any help <3
        Nov 4, 2020
        Silanus and Tarannus gave nebulae to this.
      5. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        Thank you all for your support yesterday. I sat down and had a mini intervention with my sister, and a friend of mine who's a psychologist at the lab. Things are looking a little better, and all of you helped. I can't thank you enough.

        -Tar
        Nov 5, 2020
        Mic15000 and Silanus gave nebulae to this.
    6. Deathwolf
      Deathwolf
      I love you
      1. Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    7. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      With the week ahead, and recognizing how this could play out mentally, I'm going to take some time away from sources of news and conjecture.
      1. Appetite Ruining Kebab gave a nebula to this.
    8. dee pixel
      dee pixel
      you’re uniquely eloquent, good sir
      1. '77 East and Tarannus gave nebulae to this.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I appreciate the compliment. I wish I posted more outside of these episodes of mania. When I get into a manic headspace, it's partially because I feel my value as a person has been stripped away for some reason. This has become a larger and more domineering part of my mindset since 2010.

        The posts are, in some measure, that I have, however small, some relevance and worth as a person.
        Oct 28, 2020
        Lzom and dee pixel gave nebulae to this.
      3. dee pixel
        dee pixel
        we all love you a lot tarannus <3
        Oct 28, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    9. Aether
      Aether
      best CA poster, always learn so much when you post
      1. Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        Thanks Aether! I should have included some additional citation links for those posts. I'd rather argue on specific points and policies than ephemeral or emotionally-charged concepts, since diving into those weeds really gets nowhere.
        Oct 28, 2020
        Aether gave a nebula to this.
    10. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      I hate being manic.
      1. Lzom, Comrade Revan and Appetite Ruining Kebab gave nebulae to this.
      2. Appetite Ruining Kebab
        Appetite Ruining Kebab
        tarannus, i genuinely can't conceptualize the shit youre going through, but i will say this - you've always handled your shit and your profile page is filled with proof of that. whatever's got you feeling bad today, i have no doubt that you'll be better sooner or later.

        love, ark
        Oct 27, 2020
        Tarannus and jason gave nebulae to this.
      3. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I hope so. I seriously hope so.

        The gravity of a Supreme Court ruling to repeal the ACA would be finanicially ruinous for my family. My Dad's impending perscription bills - should he lose his insurance due to his preexisting conditions - cost $62,000/month.

        Note that's /only/ his perscriptions, and doesn't include mandatory biweekly hospital visits to the tune of an additional $20,000/month.
        Oct 27, 2020
        Lzom, Appetite Ruining Kebab and Comrade Revan gave nebulae to this.
      4. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        And there aren't any insurers worth their actuaries who would ever insure my parents due to their medical history. They'd never see a positive return on investment, so why bother?

        They're too young for Medicare, and the burden of his treatment has been declared not "onerous" enough to qualify for Medicaid. They would effectively lose everything, surrendering control of their assets, to qualify for any subsidies.
        Oct 27, 2020
        Lzom and Appetite Ruining Kebab gave nebulae to this.
    11. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Talking my parents off the metaphorical ledge tonight, since both have conditions that, pre-ACA, would make them ineligible for insurance.
      1. Comrade Revan gave a nebula to this.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        And now I'm worried about their financial situation, as well as a ton of other issues with federal employees and loyalty tests possibly impacting research at the lab.
        GOD DAMN IT I JUST WANT TO SLEEP. I CAN'T SLEEP.
        Oct 27, 2020
    12. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Voted, because my career, my sister's career, and my Dad's life literally depends on it.
      1. Trains, PilotBland, Gino :3 and 5 others found this nebulous.
    13. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Performance evaluations: Report cards where you write your own grade; hope the teacher likes it, since your pay depends on it.
      1. Nov and Comrade Revan gave nebulae to this.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        They absolutely are. They make you write your own goals, then make you write your own evaluation. Afterwards, your managers review that and adjust your salary accordingly.
        Oct 16, 2020
        Nov and '77 East gave nebulae to this.
      4. '77 East
        '77 East
        That's absolutely insane.

        Who the hell would genuinely impose such a practice? No one would write things 100% truthfully. It just sounds like it was instituted to give management reason to fire people because "you didn't write X up or you misled the report."
        Oct 16, 2020
        Nov, Tarannus and jamEs gave nebulae to this.
      5. Postal
        Postal
        welcome to america
        where malpractice and distrust is tradition
        Oct 20, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    14. Appetite Ruining Kebab
      Appetite Ruining Kebab
      miss the tootsie roll avatar
      1. Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I miss it too, but hopefully it'll be back soon once I pass some stressful bits over the next month.
        Oct 8, 2020
        Appetite Ruining Kebab gave a nebula to this.
    15. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      I hate watching pharmaceutical commercials on television, especially when they're chemotherapy drugs, and my Dad starts to break down.
      1. DemonElite, Numbers, Appetite Ruining Kebab and 3 others found this nebulous.
      2. Silanus
        Silanus
        I hope you and your dad are doing okay Tarannus
        Oct 5, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    16. Numbers
      Numbers
      i look up to u and people like u
      1. DemonElite, Appetite Ruining Kebab, Silanus and 4 others found this nebulous.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        Numbers, you just made my entire weekend. Thank you!
        Sep 25, 2020
        DemonElite, Appetite Ruining Kebab, Nov and 3 others found this nebulous.
    17. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Dental work assaults all the senses, but little prepares you for what your poor nostrils have to endure. Though it's worth it for less pain
      1. MaXenzie, Silanus, Nov and 2 others found this nebulous.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. Nov
        Nov
        like I can never enjoy certain stuff anymore because of my lingering thought in the back of my head: "are my teeth resilliant enough to withstand it?" Especially sesame or salt
        Sep 23, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
      4. Trains
        Trains
        i wanna be a shark with 8 sets of teeth
        Sep 24, 2020
        Nov and Tarannus gave nebulae to this.
      5. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        @Nov - I wouldn't be too concerned if you're comparing my dental health to yours. The last 17 months have been a stream of maintenance procedures. The end result from a decade of neglect resulting from poor diet and barely living above the US federal poverty line.
        Sep 24, 2020
        Numbers and Nov gave nebulae to this.
    18. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Anyone have advice for coping strategies? I've exahusted my personal mental health exercises and I'm still in a very bad place.
      1. Trains, Nov, Numbers and 4 others found this nebulous.
      2. View previous comments...
      3. alex
        alex
        Sounds like shit advice but you'll need to just push on through and overcome it. Only person that can really make you stronger is yourself, once you've done that you'll have much higher confidence in yourself to overcome tough times in the future.
        Sep 19, 2020
        Trains, cloudperson, Nov and 2 others found this nebulous.
      4. dallahan
        dallahan
        listen to music if you feel like shit

        it helps me alot
        Sep 19, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
      5. Mesa
        Mesa
        start heading to the gym if they're open, the best thing you'll ever do for yourself
        Sep 19, 2020
        Tarannus gave a nebula to this.
    19. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      God damn it. As soon as things were looking up mentally, another political bombshell puts me right back into a manic episode.
      1. Appetite Ruining Kebab and Rabid gave nebulae to this.
      2. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        At this point, it'll be miraculous if I make it out of this year intact. I can't stand knowing that these events are pushing me into a locked cycle of paranoia and hopelessness.
        Sep 19, 2020
        Opal gave a nebula to this.
      3. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I wish I knew if I've made an actual difference. That I've mattered. That my voice and opinions mean something. Nothing I seem to say ever seems to change anything, and people I know from my hometown would revel in seeing me in this state.

        I want to feel that the future will be okay, but I'm afraid that my generation is giving you a fundamentally broken world.
        Sep 19, 2020
    20. Tarannus
      Tarannus
      Psychotic breaks scare the hell out of me. The one I had over the weekend was the worst in four years.
      1. PilotBland, cloudperson, Nov and 3 others found this nebulous.
      2. nexus
        nexus
        breaks?
        psycho mantis?
        Sep 16, 2020
      3. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        More often than not, it's a rapidly spreading paranoia combined with existential dread. I assign my self worth as a person to the success of people and organizations who are emotionally dear to me, which is where a lot of this manifests. From normality to suicidal or other non-linear thinking is very quick for me: 8 hours at most in some cases if the stressors, like the news, are bad enough.
        Sep 16, 2020
        PilotBland gave a nebula to this.
      4. Tarannus
        Tarannus
        I wish my psychoses had more identifiable physical items. The hallucinations I have are surprisingly benign, like my phone getting bombarded with bad news texts.
        Sep 16, 2020
        PilotBland gave a nebula to this.
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  • About

    Birthday:
    July 31
    Location:
    Black Mesa
    Occupation:
    Lab Employee
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