Jaf
Thanks, I hate it
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2016
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A few people have asked me the question "Jaf why do you dislike WI so much?" so I decided to kill a bit of time by going through WI's history and their 'creations'.
Timeline
2012
- August: Richard Willard CWU starts producing coffee, which he calls ‘Prestigious coffee’
- October: CAB invites a coffee maker to a formal meeting resulting his business to research and development.
- November: Willard jerks off CAB rest of the year and meets Eve Taylor
2013
- January - Prestigious coffee becomes 'Willard Prestigious Coffee and Scientific Researches Co'
- Eve Taylor bescomes Willard's Personal Assistant, before bitching her way to become:
- Company's psychiatrist
- Brand manager
- ‘Supreme director’ of Willardian Art (such as the cheese plant, fish portrait, and the first work of art: 'The Golden Potato').
• WI starts recruiting useless people without experience using an application comprised of the question "Do you like coffee and want a job?" with 'yes' and 'no' check boxes.
- September: Rodents happen, eating their supplies?
- November: Eve Taylor, CEO PA has an aneurysm as she comes up with the slogan "Dribbling perfection all over your shoes." in reference to how WI probably came to be in the first place.
- June: WI fires all the useless people they recruited to focus on ‘scientific research’. They create new jobs for security guards(?), janitors, receptionists, and a new employee-oriented leading position titled “Head of Personnel.
- December: Secure storage complexes in local cities are established for use by Willard Industries (City 27, City 63, City 30)
2015
- Aprill: Richard Willard announces "Purple Cheese Water" in City 8
- September: WI starts mass production of coffee with help from ‘Madame Flamingo’
- March: Janitor, security guard, and receptionist become “Human Resources”
- May
- WI gets more 4 more research facilities in Sector 17, including City 22, 45, and 69.
- Richard Willard appoints Johan Schuster as the first “Global Head of Research.” The distribution of "Purple Cheese Water"
- Nela Roth begins producing "Schuster-Schluper" continuing the WI fellatio reference tradition.
Since then they changed direction, trying to rebrand themselves with mixed results, forever tinged by the origins. Continuing their pseudo-intellectual, quirky RP producing more useless 'innovations' in the name of the universal union.
Noteable Current projects:
L.A.W.R.E.N.C.E.
Project T.Mav Robo arm
E.P.H. - "Enhanced Prosthetic Hand"
S.E.(E.) - "Synthetic Eye
Personally I'm hoping that Project Denmark will be popularized in WI sooner rather than later.
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