karl-police
Nucleus
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2016
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- 1,607
- Nebulae
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Alright, so here's the best story summary I can come up with
Sergeant Mitchell has a tragic backstory where his mum offs herself or something, he then gets real drunk despite him being portrayed as a child and then a teenager in literally the same scene with no transition. Drunk Sergeant Mitchell then stumbles upon a USMC recruiting poster, so he joins up. Theres a bootcamp scene, followed by him getting recruited by a HECU guy that walked out of a portal because ?.
it then absolutely flies past the coolest part of Half Life, The Black Mesa Incident, and cuts to Sergeant Protagonist getting his shit kicked in by Freeman, he utters an edgy sentence to Freeman, and G-Man is so impressed at how chad mitchell is he repeats the dialouge you hear in the trailer.
Sergeant Mitchell then awakes in a god awful rape baby of the walking dead and MGSV opening, and is then confronted by US National Guard that all speak in British accents because fuck it casting is hard. These Guardsmen direct mitchell to find Colonel Q, along the way Mitchell runs into Gay Otacon, a Black Ops sniper. They have some edgy dialouge but agree to work together because aliens r bad.
Upon meeting Colonel Q, and Black Comedy Relief Soldier #25435, they talk about how the Combine don't have any naval forces, so they plan to reach the California coast and hijack a ship. They steal a train, and go to some non descript desert, where they meet Captain Chad of the US Army Rangers. Everyone dies but Mitchell, Gay Otacon, and the britbong guy I'll just call Nigel, and after some RANGER LEAD THE WAY HOOYAH RAH motivating speech they get in humvees and go further to the coast
along the way mitchell ducks out from his mates to go save a factory full of workers. Here mitchell meets a new character called Boston Joe, who tells Mitchell there's a gas leak and can they can only use melee weapons. But as soon as the cutscene ends Joe pulls out a scattergat and blasts people because I guess actually coding that was too hard
Once again everyone but Mitchell, Gay Otacon, Nigel and Joe dies, and eventually they find a ship crewed by a British captain because ?, and they board. At this point the British Captain proceeds to furiously suck Mitchells chad weiner like it's covered in ranch sauce, and comment about how Mitchell is a gift from god, at which point Nigel buts in, saying Mitchell is cursed despite this never being a plot point and only brought up now but boy does Nigel seem angry about it.
Combines attack the ship, British captain dies, Mitchell is v sad.
3 Years Later
Mitchell narrates an abridged version of the hl2 lore from some hl2rp community, and then says he's going to new alaska to get weapons from a combine factory, there he meets a well spoken, yet horribly acted Russian called Boris who is the adminstrator of the factory. Boris narrates the fact that the Factory is used to build cremators, which the drunken vatnik proceeds to furiously wank over because the writers have an immolation fetish. Mitchell and his men burn the factory to the ground, to the children, he is like a god.
17 years later
Mitchell now has a ship and a whole bunch of diamond dogs, he fights combine and doesn't afraid of anything, until one day one of his diamond dogs gives him freemans crowbar which he found. Mitchells PTSD kicks in and he gets another visit from garry man who says that he is now allowed to kill the freeman. Mitchell is very angry now and he tells Nigel he plans to go to City 17 and ally with the combine to kill freeman. Nigel rightfully calls him a fucking dickhead but he does it anyway, and convinces everyone to follow him by literally doing Kaz's speech from the ending of MGSV
Mitchell enters C17 and boy fuckin howdy Boris is City Administrator, despite using the same raggedy ass fallout grimy pre war clothes looking ass model. They have some edgy dialouge, and Boris says that Dr. Breen accepts Mitchells conditions to kill Freeman. Boris says he has a lot of spies in the resistance, including his daughter which he wants Mitchell to save.
Mitchell goes into the canals and fights rebel man, but unfortunately he forgot to keep his s2k /me pasted and he is captured by the rebels, but is released by Boris's daughter, herein referred to as "Femscout."
Femscout releases Mitchell and tells him to go to a room, mitchell does so, and meets femscout. Femscout tells him about how mitchell is a hero but mitchell is really sad and says he isn't, then out of fucking nowhere femscout says she met gman but is super hazy about it. Mitchell is about to question her but she gets shot from behind by Gay Otacon, who despite having no way of knowing Mitchell would be in that exact spot, is here.
Mitchell runs away but Gay Otacon locks him in a room, Mitchell is really angry about this but Gay Otacon just scoffs, tips his fedora and leaves. Then Mitchell meets garry man for the third time, who reveals that Gay Otacon was Freeman the whole time, and this whole thing was planned from the beginning as a way of diverting Combine Forces from C17 so Freeman has it easier, despite there being hundreds of less intensive ways of doing this.
Garry Man then sentences Mitchell to the protagonist void, where Mitchell meets like five Freemans who beckon him to sit on a chair, but from nowhere comes a Galunga, and Mitchell meets fucking Adrian Shephard, who sacrificies himself so Mitchell can return to earth.
We cut to Gay Otacon back on motherbase, who is all smug and in charge of the diamond dogs now, but a helicopter lands, and Nigel hops out. Gay Otacon interrogates him to where he's been, but Nigel just steps back, and reveals Mitchell is here. Gay Otacon mutters "Impossible...." then runs off like a little bitch, then Mitchell chases him throughout the ship, eventually shooting him in the back, and then brutally killing him
Mitchell spots Garry man in the distance and we cut to the credits
Michell says, let's go to Borealis
Hunt Down The DLC when?
