Serious S2K thread

[aphoticDeception]

S2K thread


(choose your music-
)

 

[Satirical]

/me domes @aphoticDeception from across the map with a wooden gun.

/thread.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/me domes @aphoticDeception from across the map with a wooden gun.

/thread.

/me gets domed by @Satirical from across the map with a wooden gun. Luckily, he has a kevlar helmet and his adrenaline is up so he survives.

(The purpose of this thread, if you could not discern, is a boss battle. You all must attempt to kill me through whatever means necessary.)

 

[GenericPlayer]

/me builds another ied

/me shoves it in a box

/me mails it to @aphoticDeception

 

[Satirical]

/me gets domed by @Satirical from across the map with a wooden gun. Luckily, he has a kevlar helmet and his adrenaline is up so he survives.

(The purpose of this thread, if you could not discern, is a boss battle. You all must attempt to kill me through whatever means necessary.)

/me luckily has an anti-helmet attachment on his wooden gun, firing a second bullet that manages to attach to the side of the helmet. The bullet then springs out some arms and legs, putting on a hardhat and jack-hammering down into your helmet and into the side of your head, where it subsequently bursts into fragments and breaks through your skin like a normal projectile.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/me builds another ied

/me shoves it in a box

/me mails it to @aphoticDeception

/me isn't in the CAB, so is immune to IEDs. He also has recently built a machine that detects and hacks bombs using salvaged combine tech.
[doublepost=1544639582][/doublepost]

/me luckily has an anti-helmet attachment on his wooden gun, firing a second pullet that manages to attach to the side of the helmet. The bullet then springs out some arms and legs, putting on a hardhat and jack-hammering down into your helmet and into the side of your head, where it subsequently bursts into fragments and breaks through your skin like a normal projectile.

/me cites the bullet for operating a jackhammer without a permit before it can complete its assault on my cranium. It is reprimanded by the CWU as seen fit.

 

[Satirical]

/me isn't in the CAB, so is immune to IEDs. He also has recently built a machine that detects and hacks bombs using salvaged combine tech.
[doublepost=1544639582][/doublepost]
/me cites the bullet for operating a jackhammer without a permit before it can complete its assault on my cranium. It is reprimanded by the CWU as seen fit.

/it The bullet is a white male and thus is let go without a citation, managing to retreat while it awaits backup or further instruction.

/me triggers an EMP that makes you deaf, the pulse intruding into your brain and forcing it to combust spontaneously.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/it The bullet is a white male and thus is let go without a citation, managing to retreat while it awaits backup or further instruction.

/me triggers an EMP that makes you deaf, the pulse intruding into your brain and forcing it to combust spontaneously.

/me has advanced augments to his brain that allow it to put itself out upon spontaneous combustion because he's ex-ota.
/me makes a rape allegation against the white bullet, causing it to lose public credibility.

 

[Satirical]

/me has advanced augments to his brain that allow it to put itself out upon spontaneous combustion because he's ex-ota.
/me makes a rape allegation against the white bullet, causing it to lose public credibility.

/it The bullet is fired from its job at FOX News running its own segment, subsequently becoming a recluse and remaining under the radar until it dies peacefully from cancer surrounded by family in its bedroom.

/me sends a mortar through your window, which explodes on impact. However, as opposed to blowing up in a lethal way, it billows out a cloud of thick white smoke. From the smoke emerges a series of ninjas who begin to attack you. But among the ninjas is the real ninja and the rest are just clones from the hallucinogenics exhumed by the mortar shell. Suddenly, the real ninja slices through you with a throwing star, then donkey-kicks you out of your window, forcing you to plummet to your untimely demise, epic gamer style.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/it The bullet is fired from its job at FOX News running its own segment, subsequently becoming a recluse and remaining under the radar until it dies peacefully from cancer surrounded by family in its bedroom.

/me sends a mortar through your window, which explodes on impact. However, as opposed to blowing up in a lethal way, it billows out a cloud of thick white smoke. From the smoke emerges a series of ninjas who begin to attack you. But among the ninjas is the real ninja and the rest are just clones from the hallucinogenics exhumed by the mortar shell. Suddenly, the real ninja slices through you with a throwing star, then donkey-kicks you out of your window, forcing you to plummet to your untimely demise, epic gamer style.

I OOCly report the ninja for powergaming. He does not give me a chance to react, because if he did, I would have pulled out my custom build combine approved bo staff, as I am trained in vortigaunt martial arts as well as krav maga.

 

[Satirical]

I OOCly report the ninja for powergaming. He does not give me a chance to react, because if he did, I would have pulled out my custom build combine approved bo staff, as I am trained in vortigaunt martial arts as well as krav maga.

The staff member bans the ninja, but maintains that the gas affects your character's ability to function. The gas degenerates your health until you are bedridden in your lonely flat.

/me enters your apartment, smothering you with a pillow before stabbing a knife through it and your face several times (as seen in Inglourious Basterds).

 

[cns - he/him/his]

s2k is for mega virgins

 

[aphoticDeception]

The staff member bans the ninja, but maintains that the gas affects your character's ability to function. The gas degenerates your health until you are bedridden in your lonely flat.

/me enters your apartment, smothering you with a pillow before stabbing a knife through it and your face several times (as seen in Inglourious Basterds).

Quentin Tarantino was elected as one of the global administrators of the UU. In this, he was forced to renounce all his works. Through this causal shift in space time, Inglorious Basterds was stricken from the canon of reality. Thus, you would not be able to conceive of the notion of smothering and stabbing me. One of the unfortunate side effects of this action is that Apple strudel was never invented.
[doublepost=1544640490][/doublepost]

s2k is for mega virgins

Feels bad

 

[Satirical]

Quentin Tarantino was elected as one of the global administrators of the UU. In this, he was forced to renounce all his works. Through this causal shift in space time, Inglorious Basterds was stricken from the canon of reality. Thus, you would not be able to conceive of the notion of smothering and stabbing me. One of the unfortunate side effects of this action is that Apple strudel was never invented.
[doublepost=1544640490][/doublepost]
Feels bad

/me injects you with a disease known as 'Dick Buttkiss' syndrome. The disease alters your mental state and forces you to cry "dick buttkiss!" at any given moment. You say this so many times that you force yourself into lockjaw, subsequently going into a state of shock, dying on your bed alone in your apartment.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/me injects you with a disease known as 'Dick Buttkiss' syndrome. The disease alters your mental state and forces you to cry "dick buttkiss!" at any given moment. You say this so many times that you force yourself into lockjaw, subsequently going into a state of shock, dying on your bed alone in your apartment.

/me can't be alone if you injected the disease. Furthermore, I already stated that my brain possesses advanced augmentations. After much tomfoolery, I use my request device to request a cremator, combine assasin, and debeaked headcrab to guard me.

 

[Satirical]

/me can't be alone if you injected the disease. Furthermore, I already stated that my brain possesses advanced augmentations. After much tomfoolery, I use my request device to request a cremator, combine assasin, and debeaked headcrab to guard me.

/it The cremator can't fit through the door to your apartment, the headcrab smells someone and jumps out the window pursue a host, and the combine assassin is given a tablet where they see all of the rule 34 people have made of them.

** Satirical says, "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

/me counts to three, angels singing a brief song of the heavens; a blink of an eye later, the grenade explodes, the entire city up in smoke. The two of us remain, and I then defeat you in a game of Yu-Gi-Oh!, after which I banish you to the Shadow Realm.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/it The cremator can't fit through the door to your apartment, the headcrab smells someone and jumps out the window pursue a host, and the combine assassin is given a tablet where they see all of the rule 34 people have made of them.

** Satirical says, "And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'"

/me counts to three, angels singing a brief song of the heavens; a blink of an eye later, the grenade explodes, the entire city up in smoke. The two of us remain, and I then defeat you in a game of Yu-Gi-Oh!, after which I banish you to the Shadow Realm.

Holy. Fuck. Okay that was too well thought out. Fine ok ok. You did it.


BOSS HEALTH: 97/100
[doublepost=1544641507][/doublepost]

Holy. Fuck. Okay that was too well thought out. Fine ok ok. You did it.


BOSS HEALTH: 97/100

In retaliation, I pull out my Aperture science handheld portal device, and use it to escape. I quickly use the device to travel to City 8, reconnecting with my samurai master.

 

[Satirical]

Holy. Fuck. Okay that was too well thought out. Fine ok ok. You did it.


BOSS HEALTH: 97/100
[doublepost=1544641507][/doublepost]
In retaliation, I pull out my Aperture science handheld portal device, and use it to escape. I quickly use the device to travel to City 8, reconnecting with my samurai master.

/it Your samurai master, floral incandescent porpoises, is dead. Indeed, you find him slumped back in his bed layered in blankets with his sword resting against his mirror.

/me enters the samurai dojo, pretending to be the coroner. "Son, he's dead.." says the man, a look of sympathy on his face. He steps over to the body, shutting the man's eyes and then fanning a thin sheet over him. "Abrakadraba!" shouts the coroner, lifting the sheet to reveal the disappearance of the body. You are suddenly wrapped in the same sheet, vanishing into a place where space-time ceases to exist.

 

[aphoticDeception]

/it Your samurai master, floral incandescent porpoises, is dead. Indeed, you find him slumped back in his bed layered in blankets with his sword resting against his mirror.

/me enters the samurai dojo, pretending to be the coroner. "Son, he's dead.." says the man, a look of sympathy on his face. He steps over to the body, shutting the man's eyes and then fanning a thin sheet over him. "Abrakadraba!" shouts the coroner, lifting the sheet to reveal the disappearance of the body. You are suddenly wrapped in the same sheet, vanishing into a place where space-time ceases to exist.

/me performes a time scaled followed by a F2B. Upon the end of this manipulation, time is brought to existence in this primordial world, as well as space, due to the two's link. I then use my gravity gun to concentrate a field of elementary particles into a solid mass that I use to portal back to C08. I then void your existence, banishing you to the exact same plane that I had been in previously, with no such gravity gun or portal gun to speak of. Furthermore, LOOC and OOC are disabled, so you cannot properly timescale or F2B.

BOSS HEALTH: 95/100.
[doublepost=1544642565][/doublepost]Also if anyone else wants to join in feel free.

 

[Satirical]

/me performes a time scaled followed by a F2B. Upon the end of this manipulation, time is brought to existence in this primordial world, as well as space, due to the two's link. I then use my gravity gun to concentrate a field of elementary particles into a solid mass that I use to portal back to C08. I then void your existence, banishing you to the exact same plane that I had been in previously, with no such gravity gun or portal gun to speak of. Furthermore, LOOC and OOC are disabled, so you cannot properly timescale or F2B.

BOSS HEALTH: 95/100.
[doublepost=1544642565][/doublepost]Also if anyone else wants to join in feel free.

/me spellchecks your action, handing back a grade that disappoints your parents. You are grounded for two weeks because you tried to reason with your parents and, as usual, they said you were being disrespectful. Satirical manages to escape the realm by PMing a staff member. After wading in the nothingness for 20 odd minutes am, he is teleported back to spawn. Moments later, he grabs a ration package from the dispenser. Recycling it, Satirical uses what tokens he has to pay off a CP to go to your house. He offers you pain relievers, but little are you aware they are laced with cocaine; not at a lethal dose, but enough to exacerbate your delirious state.