Why I buy people things. *VENT THREAD*

[Lynx]

Lynx here.

You know, I'd say I'm pretty much liked across the community. Very much so, people say I have a heart of gold, that I'm the most generous person they've ever met; some even going as far as saying the world needs more people like me.

It's a shame it's all artificial, isn't it?

You see, I have severe depression ageing back to when I was about thirteen years old: when I was first diagnosed and it's been on-and-off ever since. Stuck with me through my GCSE's and my A-Levels and even my nursing qualification.

So why do I buy people things? Because it helps me feel better about myself knowing that I (hopefully) put a smile on people's faces, and that I (hope) that I am helping them avoid what I feel. What I feel is as thus: I'm clinically depressed, there are nights where it's managable and I'm "happy", this is mostly when I come on TS and meme around on there. Then there are nights like tonight where I feel like an empty husk, I wonder what had happened if my suicide attempt a few months ago had worked properly. I buy people things because it helps me feel better knowing I make people smile. This is where something someone brought up to me came to mind.

People ask me to buy them things 24/7, I brought this on myself and I realised: most people's feelings towards are artificial and they fake it so I can buy them things and this applies to almost everyone I talk to. At least, that's what it feels like. It's why I do that and it's why I can often go around spending vast amounts of money on the community because of a long-running fear of being disliked by any one person.

I'm listening to some of my music right now to try and calm myself down; but I can't shake the feeling in my heart knowing that it's fake. Or at least, that's what I believe. I'm sorry.

Venting over. I just want the community to know why I do what I do and what makes me do it.
I love you all, I wish it was the same for all of you for me.

Papa out, venting over.

I'm sorry.

 

[Stalker]

I love you man but buying people stuff isn't good. I know gifts and such are nice but people who are your friends for money are not friends.

You know you can just hmu on steam when you want to talk, man. I really hate to see you like this, please stay safe.

 

[MaXenzie]

Lynx here.

You know, I'd say I'm pretty much liked across the community. Very much so, people say I have a heart of gold, that I'm the most generous person they've ever met; some even going as far as saying the world needs more people like me.

It's a shame it's all artificial, isn't it?

You see, I have severe depression ageing back to when I was about thirteen years old: when I was first diagnosed and it's been on-and-off ever since. Stuck with me through my GCSE's and my A-Levels and even my nursing qualification.

So why do I buy people things? Because it helps me feel better about myself knowing that I (hopefully) put a smile on people's faces, and that I (hope) that I am helping them avoid what I feel. What I feel is as thus: I'm clinically depressed, there are nights where it's managable and I'm "happy", this is mostly when I come on TS and meme around on there. Then there are nights like tonight where I feel like an empty husk, I wonder what had happened if my suicide attempt a few months ago had worked properly. I buy people things because it helps me feel better knowing I make people smile. This is where something someone brought up to me came to mind.

People ask my to buy them things 24/7, I brought this on myself and I realised: most people's feelings towards are artificial and they fake it so I can buy them things and this applies to almost everyone I talk to. At least, that's what it feels like. It's why I do that and it's why I can often go around spending vast amounts of money on the community because of a long-running fear of being disliked by any one person.

I'm listening to some of my music right now to try and calm myself down; but I can't shake the feeling in my heart knowing that it's fake. Or at least, that's what I believe. I'm sorry.

Venting over. I just want the community to know why I do what I do and what makes me do it.
I love you all, I wish it was the same for all of you for me.

Papa out, venting over.

I'm sorry.

Fuck me...

Sorry I asked you to buy a buncha shit, I'd probably have thought otherwise if I'd have known.

Regardless of whether or not you buy my friendship, I'm still gonna be your mate.

 

[Deleted member 1381]

This hit me like a truck

 

[Deadpool]

hey that's nice of you
i think

 

[Strixz]

I love you lynx.

 

[Powley]

hey duder, i just want you to save some money for yourself to enjoy it for yourself

you deserve it more then us

 

[Twar]

Mate you're a don, you're a decent bloke and you shouldn't need to buy people shit to make yourself feel good
If you need to chat on steam just hmu
Hope you're alright at the end of the day

 

[Redneck]

Lynx here.

You know, I'd say I'm pretty much liked across the community. Very much so, people say I have a heart of gold, that I'm the most generous person they've ever met; some even going as far as saying the world needs more people like me.

It's a shame it's all artificial, isn't it?

You see, I have severe depression ageing back to when I was about thirteen years old: when I was first diagnosed and it's been on-and-off ever since. Stuck with me through my GCSE's and my A-Levels and even my nursing qualification.

So why do I buy people things? Because it helps me feel better about myself knowing that I (hopefully) put a smile on people's faces, and that I (hope) that I am helping them avoid what I feel. What I feel is as thus: I'm clinically depressed, there are nights where it's managable and I'm "happy", this is mostly when I come on TS and meme around on there. Then there are nights like tonight where I feel like an empty husk, I wonder what had happened if my suicide attempt a few months ago had worked properly. I buy people things because it helps me feel better knowing I make people smile. This is where something someone brought up to me came to mind.

People ask me to buy them things 24/7, I brought this on myself and I realised: most people's feelings towards are artificial and they fake it so I can buy them things and this applies to almost everyone I talk to. At least, that's what it feels like. It's why I do that and it's why I can often go around spending vast amounts of money on the community because of a long-running fear of being disliked by any one person.

I'm listening to some of my music right now to try and calm myself down; but I can't shake the feeling in my heart knowing that it's fake. Or at least, that's what I believe. I'm sorry.

Venting over. I just want the community to know why I do what I do and what makes me do it.
I love you all, I wish it was the same for all of you for me.

Papa out, venting over.

I'm sorry.

Listen, man.
I don't know you much.
We spoke a few times, back when I was lead of UM, doing shady medical lead deals, behind closed doors. I saw folks on your profile, asking you for all that shit and to be honest, I always frowned upon that because I saw someone with a heart of gold, I saw how you wanted to just make it easier/happier for people who maybe didnt have money or w/e, and some really overused it in my opinion.
BUT BUT BUT
I do believe, that the reputation you have is not artificial. At all. People ask you for games, sure, but people like you, man. I don't know about ww3 so I don't even know what lead you are right now, but I know you do a good job, as lead, as staff, and just as a nice, valuable member of the community and I am sure that other people see it as well. Don't think it's artificial, man. People really do like you. And they got a reason.

Just want to add - it takes guts to confess like this in public. Mad respect.

I wish you all the best, Papa Lynx.
Fine, I'll admit, dentists are real doctors after all.

 

[Lynx]

I'll be honest, I've brought this on myself. I've even exhibited this reckless spending since I was about 14, looking back I haven't really been able to properly socialise for a long time. I've bought people's friendship both online and IRL since then and doing so made me unable to make friends in any other way, I'll be honest. It's really my own fault for not socialising properly enough, but it's what I know how to do and that's really kind of messed it up.

 

[MaXenzie]

I'll be honest, I've brought this on myself. I've even exhibited this reckless spending since I was about 14, looking back I haven't really been able to properly socialise for a long time. I've bought people's friendship both online and IRL since then and doing so made me unable to make friends in any other way, I'll be honest. It's really my own fault for not socialising properly enough, but it's what I know how to do and that's really kind of messed it up.

I'd stop doing it from now on.

I heard @Warwick's been trying to get you to stop, too.

You're a nice guy, you don't need to buy anyone anything.

 

[Plankster]

shit i feel sorry for you bro.

it was just for a meme you know that right?



ffs @MaXenzie

 

[vamure]

tbf youre a decent dont let anyone put you down, you rock!

 

[Nömad <3]

I gotta agree mate. You put /so/ much work into this community, especially for us in WW3. To see ya like this is bloody terrible-mate, you're a top-notch don, and just because people beg you for stuff doesn't mean you should give into them.

I mean it's your money, do what you want with it, but to see you like this is pretty terrible. Just ignore those twats (not you Max, just chill on it) and do what you feel is right financially.

 

[REDACTED]

@Lynx those arma 3 op's we do with @SpaceInvader @NekoZoey and @Stalker are enough
keep that money for yourself, dont let anything make u feel like shit

 

[WolfSyndrome]

Hey @Lynx ? These people here in this thread, they're your real pals, yo. Instead of ignoring what you've posted, they actually see how they took advantage of you (Even if it was involuntary, it's still the same), and they apologize to you for it. These are the people you need to focus your happy thoughts on whenever you're feelin' down, because they'll do the same for you.

 

[Lynx]

Hey @Lynx ? These people here in this thread, they're your real pals, yo. Instead of ignoring what you've posted, they actually see how they took advantage of you (Even if it was involuntary, it's still the same), and they apologize to you for it. These are the people you need to focus your happy thoughts on whenever you're feelin' down, because they'll do the same for you.

I only really wanted to convey why I do this, in all honesty.
I've really felt alone over the past few years, if I'm honest. Never really had true friends growing up, only bought ones and I feel like the lack of venting has blew up into this thread. The second law of thermodynamics can sum this up well: "In an isolated system, Beta-Entropy can only increase." If you take empathy and substitute in feelings of loneliness and suicide and an isolated system with stress and feelings of self-loathing.

 

[SpaceInvader]

I don't like you. I just like Alex.

 

[LykosNychi]

I'm not gonna lie.

While you and I have had our disagreements in the past, it doesn't make me feel good to see you like this after I shat on you a couple weeks back.

It became clear to me that you and I exhibited behaviours which the other didn't like, resulting in it getting increasingly difficult for us to get along. If it makes a difference, or even matters to you at all, I don't hate you. And maybe I'm paranoid and stupid.

It's just that all those things happening one after the other in such short succession in WW3 (we both know what I'm on about) and how it all turned out in the end, it all made me feel very insecure about my position in the community, and I felt so backstabbed. @Stalker can corroborate this, I was convinced you had been out to backstab me.

More recently I vented and removed you from steam, because of memes. Yeah boys, I shat down someone's throat over memes. I was stressed, not thinking clearly, and you happened to be the first one to press a button, so I went nuclear.

I'm not saying anything I did was right or wrong, because I myself still don't know how I feel about some of the things that happened during my time working with you, but I will say I'm sorry if anything I've said or done has contributed in any way to making you feel worse about yourself. That has never been my intention, and I wholeheartedly apologize. I wish you the best, both here and in real life, and I hope you achieve great levels of self confidence.


After all, the first step to picking yourself up, is realizing why you've fallen down.

 

[Zomba]

Lynx here.

You know, I'd say I'm pretty much liked across the community. Very much so, people say I have a heart of gold, that I'm the most generous person they've ever met; some even going as far as saying the world needs more people like me.

It's a shame it's all artificial, isn't it?

You see, I have severe depression ageing back to when I was about thirteen years old: when I was first diagnosed and it's been on-and-off ever since. Stuck with me through my GCSE's and my A-Levels and even my nursing qualification.

So why do I buy people things? Because it helps me feel better about myself knowing that I (hopefully) put a smile on people's faces, and that I (hope) that I am helping them avoid what I feel. What I feel is as thus: I'm clinically depressed, there are nights where it's managable and I'm "happy", this is mostly when I come on TS and meme around on there. Then there are nights like tonight where I feel like an empty husk, I wonder what had happened if my suicide attempt a few months ago had worked properly. I buy people things because it helps me feel better knowing I make people smile. This is where something someone brought up to me came to mind.

People ask me to buy them things 24/7, I brought this on myself and I realised: most people's feelings towards are artificial and they fake it so I can buy them things and this applies to almost everyone I talk to. At least, that's what it feels like. It's why I do that and it's why I can often go around spending vast amounts of money on the community because of a long-running fear of being disliked by any one person.

I'm listening to some of my music right now to try and calm myself down; but I can't shake the feeling in my heart knowing that it's fake. Or at least, that's what I believe. I'm sorry.

Venting over. I just want the community to know why I do what I do and what makes me do it.
I love you all, I wish it was the same for all of you for me.

Papa out, venting over.

I'm sorry.

Man, sorry for asking you to buy me games.
Didn't know it was this serious thought it was a joke of somekind.
I'm keeping my thumbs up for you.
Don't waste your money on the community, keep that money yourself man.