So there are a few people in the community who I want to thank for everything over the past year. And by year, I mean over the last 12 full months. They've been existentially rough, but also seen a fair portion of light. Anyone who's lurked around my profile has seen a fairly raw, emotional, side that I
usually kept in check one way or another.
With the loss of my position in the Park Service, this was one of the few places keeping me anchored - and I mean that advisedly. My weepier stuff from earlier in the year does induce a healthy amount of cringe, but I received a legitimate amount of help from all of you. It's better than the alternative ways I used to cope: either by bottling up my emotions or attempting to deaden them in one form or another with distractions. As someone who's intervened and emotionally supported people in distress, I want to thank everyone in Neb who has reached out and helped. Even a comment or two to walk someone back from the cliff can be physically draining, but there were plenty of you who stuck around.
This is but a small portion of the veritable galaxy of people who I'm grateful for in this giving time of year.
@Atle and
@Poopsie - Thank you for all of your support as faction leaders in Willard Industries. When things were at their worst for me, HL2RP was really the go-to for an outlet where I could feel appreciated for the efforts I put into the whitelist. I could log into the server and feel like I was making a difference. That I was capable of basic competence - something which I had a lot of self-doubts about for the lion's share of the year.
@Shrek,
@Jaggles,
@K.M,
@Nicrobe,
@Gino :3 - Getting to know you - first through HL2RP and then as people - I really do think of you as friends. When things got rough with WI, and the community caught scent of the blood that was our wounded faction, all of you stepped up to the plate to turn things around. You guys were really instrumental in saving an outlet I felt most comfortable.
@Raouldukejnr - See all of the comments above, and I'd like to add the following addendum. You've been so tolerant about me waxing on and on about American nuclear testing between 1945 and 1963 that I'd like to buy you a gift. It's an older movie, and it's narrated by William Shatner, but if you'd like
the DVD to this, I'd be happy to buy it for you as a Christmas present.
@Elizabeth,
@Fireman Dan,
@Killstar,
@Agitha,
@Zach and
@Subeh (
requiescat in pace) - The night crew regulars when the server would drop down to less than ten people. I've had more fun crafting and playing along with storylines of your making when there's no one else around. Every night I had the chance to sit down and interact with you, I knew it was going to be worth the reams of text that would inevitably follow.
@MaXenzie and
@Blackquill - Your comments on of my status updates were insightful, absolutely necessary, and actually
convinced me to act
productively to address my issues. Because of your observations, I actually took a step back and called a professional to work through my emotional problems. Your outreach saved a lot of very unproductive cycles in my frustratingly predictable depressive episode progressions. That is to say nothing about your constant support of my photography. Speaking of...
@Lemon Cuntcake - I've always had a strange relationship with art. Your shout-out on the Art of the Week made me cry. I felt like I could say that my photographic work had merit - something I, on my own, can never muster the ego to say. Why I think this is a bit complicated, but as a good Historian I'll try to provide some clear context.
It goes back to my family, who I've come to realize (with very few exceptions) are not sincere people. They have a very public face, then criticize people viciously behind my back. I've always had sneaking suspicions that they were the same about me, but never had any validation of my beliefs until a couple years ago when talking to my sister and brother-in-law. Over a fair amount of whiskey, I learned that my parents thought my photography, and my degree, were wastes of time and that I was essentially not trying hard enough to get a job with the Park Service. Since then, I've taken every compliment they've given me as - more or less - a bald-faced lie.
Everything I've done for creative purposes - be it photography, poetry, prose, et al. - I've felt as though it's not
validated unless it gains the approval of a person who does not need to have that layer of polite artifice. You, Max, Jaggles, and BQ are those people.
And last, but most
certainly not least:
Everything I've said about everyone else applies to you as well. And honestly? I consider it a privilege that you consider anything of mine even remotely
good given your considerable output of spectacular art and impressive character designs. Toiling in obscurity, you have been a constant, encouraging, voice to my writing. Knowing that people like you read it answers one of the biggest questions I have every time I post:
"Is what I'm doing worthwhile to anyone outside of me?". Because of you, that answer is a hell of a lot less ambiguous.
I consider myself grateful that, compared to last year, this is a far merrier Christmas. And it's a far merrier Christmas because of
you.
Bless you all, this Christmas time,
-Tar