Battling cancer; a deeper look into what it's like.

Subeh

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gentlemen.

been a while. recently occurred to me that i left this thread without an update for quite a while, didnt really feel right.

cancer's still a pussy bitch, it'll be 4 years in a few months. in 2 days im having my portacath removed properly this time, after two delays (one caused by me, one caused by the hospital having a change of plans).

2023 will be the first year in 4 years where ill have very minimal hospital visits; ill maybe go 2-3 times, one for a blood test and one for a scan, then possibly an ophthalmology visit; depends on whether or not they cancel it, they're pretty inundated and they rarely have anything to tell me that i dont already know. they mainly just want to keep a record of my good eye more than anything now.

smooth sailing, boys, smooth sailing.
after almost 4 years of being in my chest, the portacath has finally been removed.

kinda felt like laying down my weapon ngl

they showed it to me (i was totally awake and shit through the surgery, they just use local anaesthetic to numb the area) and asked me if i wanted to keep it

i told them they could toss it into a volcano

so that's that. kinda felt like a bit of an end to the era, too.

im proud of myself. really am.

2023's gonna be good.
 

FreeSpy

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after almost 4 years of being in my chest, the portacath has finally been removed.

kinda felt like laying down my weapon ngl

they showed it to me (i was totally awake and shit through the surgery, they just use local anaesthetic to numb the area) and asked me if i wanted to keep it

i told them they could toss it into a volcano

so that's that. kinda felt like a bit of an end to the era, too.

im proud of myself. really am.

2023's gonna be good.
A weapon is but a tool. The one who uses it determines how effective it is.

A weapon can be replaced, it's user cannot.

Good shit
 
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Deleted member 61

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I'm grateful that you're doing well and that you've made a great recovery. I pray there's no future remission.

Good to see somebody kick cancer's ass because it's been certainly taking its toll on my friend group.

I hope you go on to live a full and fulfilling life.
 
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Subeh

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Good to see somebody kick cancer's ass because it's been certainly taking its toll on my friend group.
the best thing to remember as somebody who's fighting cancer (or somebody who's supporting somebody who's fighting it) is that cancer, regardless of which type or the severity, can win in one of two ways; mentally and physically.

you have to fight it on both fronts. and that's not just some squishy shit, either; it's scientifically proven that those with a lot of mental fortitude, those that can keep their stress and anxiety levels down etc have higher chances of being more responsive to chemo and generally beating it. i dont have the sources on hand but i recall my oncologist telling me about that.

if you win mentally, you have a higher chance of winning physically. i'd go as far as to say that if you win mentally, you never lose physically; but that's moreso just a mentality thing than a scientific thing.

tl;dr fuck cancer, beat the shit out of it, you'll win

e: the way i fought it mentally was - as strange as it sounds - by not treating it with the respect it demanded of me.

sure, i took it seriously in that i got my treatments, i did everything on time, i listened to my oncologist religiously, i did everything correctly; but that's where the seriousness ended. when i had my testicle removed i made jokes about it all the time, i used to make jokes about how the insides of my lungs probably looked like the surface of mars cus of the tumour clusters, i joke nearly every day about the fucked sight in my left eye, i used to joke about having holes in my brain when the tumours disappeared from in there

as weird as it sounds; you don't need to treat it as seriously as you think you do. don't give it the satisfaction. ever. it's a foreign invader to your body and so you should treat it like that; don't be the type of cancer patient that hears a cancer joke and flips out, hear that joke and smile about it because you know you're one step closer to coming out on the other side by having that little laugh. people make shitty cancer jokes to me all the fucking time and i love it, if anything i probably say worse things than they do.
 
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Ond

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if you win mentally, you have a higher chance of winning physically. i'd go as far as to say that if you win mentally, you never lose physically; but that's moreso just a mentality thing than a scientific thing.
Goes for a lot of things in life

The human body is capable of so much, if you get into the right state of mind

Have had out of body experiences that I didn't ever dream of having and have a hard time rationalizing still because of it (not negative)
 
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Subeh

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Goes for a lot of things in life

The human body is capable of so much, if you get into the right state of mind
and, much as it's extreme, if you choose to see it the correct way then cancer can really teach you that lesson quite well

obviously not the most ideal way of learning it but you definitely learn it

the sad thing is that a lot of people don't learn it. i saw a lot of cancer patients in the chemotherapy wards that were just zombies; they aren't overly old, maybe 40s-50s, and there were 90 y/o's more chipper than them. you could just see every single time they came in that they were defeated, that they didn't even really want to bother. some of them were rude to the staff (which pissed me the fuck off cus the chemo staff were some of the best people ive ever met) and a lot of them weren't looking after themselves in any other capacity either.

unfortunate as it is to say, those are the sort of people that do die. don't get me wrong, a lot of mentally fortified people do too, but the legacy they leave behind is all the more different; my grandfather, a volunteer for the coastguard of over 16 years before he had to stop, lost a leg during his work and ended up with throat cancer. the cancer had gotten so bad that, to quote the doctor; "it resembles tentacles climbing up the insides of his skull and penetrating the brain".

but he never gave up. he never gave it the satisfaction. he made jokes when he couldnt even speak anymore. just before he lost consciousness, his only concerns were his children and what they were doing. one of the last conversations - one they had on paper - my mum had with him was how her ex-husband was being a cunt to her; he grabbed his pen, grabbed the paper and wrote 'Divorce the bastard.'. so she did.

he never bitched. he never complained. he never cried. the cancer was stuck in there with him, not the other way around.

ive had a picture of him on my desk ever since i got diagnosed for that exact reason; because he was the definition of 'the right state of mind'. even though i never met him, i could feel him all the way through my journey.
 

Subeh

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the time has come my friends

it has been almost 3 weeks since my port removal, the wound has healed, i am able to lift things without restrictions.

and so it is time.

illuzory-irl-zyzz-flex-illuzory.gif

@Tyrone @jerry

i will be returning to my workouts.

got all the plans made. gonna be full calisthenics, 2800~ calories a day, gonna build that lean physique ive always wanted now that the port's out of my chest and isnt stopping me from pushing as hard as possible. idea's to do full body push, pull, legs a day on and a day off, really focus on the slow, deep movements to maximise the muscle im gettin out of it. will progress into weighted calisthenics when i feel i have the movements very sturdy. got a recipe on standby for a 800-1000 calorie milkshake i can smash a good chunk of my daily macros with.

any recommendations welcome.

gonna be addressing a lot of other things this year that i havent. i dont have any excuses anymore.

time to spit in cancer's face boys, even harder than i already have.

feelin good.
 

Ond

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cable chest flys go crazy

but you aren't going to get lean if you get 2800 cals a day unless its a reduction from your current daily consumption
 

abcdefg

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the time has come my friends

it has been almost 3 weeks since my port removal, the wound has healed, i am able to lift things without restrictions.

and so it is time.

illuzory-irl-zyzz-flex-illuzory.gif

@Tyrone @jerry

i will be returning to my workouts.

got all the plans made. gonna be full calisthenics, 2800~ calories a day, gonna build that lean physique ive always wanted now that the port's out of my chest and isnt stopping me from pushing as hard as possible. idea's to do full body push, pull, legs a day on and a day off, really focus on the slow, deep movements to maximise the muscle im gettin out of it. will progress into weighted calisthenics when i feel i have the movements very sturdy. got a recipe on standby for a 800-1000 calorie milkshake i can smash a good chunk of my daily macros with.

any recommendations welcome.

gonna be addressing a lot of other things this year that i havent. i dont have any excuses anymore.

time to spit in cancer's face boys, even harder than i already have.

feelin good.
The good ending.
 
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jerry

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the time has come my friends

it has been almost 3 weeks since my port removal, the wound has healed, i am able to lift things without restrictions.

and so it is time.

illuzory-irl-zyzz-flex-illuzory.gif

@Tyrone @jerry

i will be returning to my workouts.

got all the plans made. gonna be full calisthenics, 2800~ calories a day, gonna build that lean physique ive always wanted now that the port's out of my chest and isnt stopping me from pushing as hard as possible. idea's to do full body push, pull, legs a day on and a day off, really focus on the slow, deep movements to maximise the muscle im gettin out of it. will progress into weighted calisthenics when i feel i have the movements very sturdy. got a recipe on standby for a 800-1000 calorie milkshake i can smash a good chunk of my daily macros with.

any recommendations welcome.

gonna be addressing a lot of other things this year that i havent. i dont have any excuses anymore.

time to spit in cancer's face boys, even harder than i already have.

feelin good.
based department called, they want you asap
 
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Subeh

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but you aren't going to get lean if you get 2800 cals a day unless its a reduction from your current daily consumption
from what i understand calisthenics burns a lot more fat than weightlifting inherently, so i was always told to keep 250-500 calories above what i normally burn which i worked out to be about 2500

ill toy around with it though. if im putting on too much weight too quickly ill know why.
 

Ond

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from what i understand calisthenics burns a lot more fat than weightlifting inherently, so i was always told to keep 250-500 calories above what i normally burn which i worked out to be about 2500

ill toy around with it though. if im putting on too much weight too quickly ill know why.
Listen man if you want to be lean you don’t want a surplus of calories you want to be under

Also weight lifting is better for building a lean body, while calisthenics works the overall endurance, strength and mobility of the body
 
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Mads

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My big brother had cancer as well, Ewings Sarcoma - went from being a military conscript who worked out five times a week to dying at 23 years old after being declared “cancer free” twice.

I’m happy for you, make something of yourself and don’t waste this life.
 
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Subeh

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My big brother had cancer as well, Ewings Sarcoma - went from being a military conscript who worked out five times a week to dying at 23 years old after being declared “cancer free” twice.
i'm sorry to hear that.

my doctors wouldn't dare give me the 'cancer free' title, as they don't with most of their patients. they wouldnt dare throw that label onto me until the 5 year mark. but thankfully, due to the form of cancer i had and the way in which it was annihilated out of my system, im very fortunate to have heard the words "im not even really concerned anymore" come out of my doctor's mouth; a doctor that has every right to call himself one of the best in australia. i know im far more fortunate than most who were in my situation, but i suppose thats just what happens with cases like mine.

I’m happy for you, make something of yourself and don’t waste this life.
its hard. i admit, its hard. im going to be seeing a psychologist soon because even after 4 years, its hard for me to get my motivation jumpstarted again. i still have anxiety issues. i dont know if it's from that exclusively or if its from other things, but i know its a problem and im going to fix it.

if i have any say in it, ill be a global photographer with my pictures in the hands of national geographic, ill build myself the physique ive always wanted and ill make sure i live the best life i can.

just need to get into the right space of mind first.


ill make sure i think about your brother every time i hit another milestone. i wish he was as fortunate as i was.

appreciate the words, bro. ur strong to be coping with that kind of shit.

fuck cancer
 
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Mads

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my doctors wouldn't dare give me the 'cancer free' title, as they don't with most of their patients. they wouldnt dare throw that label onto me until the 5 year mark.

It was the same here, except they would tell my brother that he was “cancer free” and not “fully cured.” Ewings Sarcoma is quite rare and aggressive, and 1 - 3 people are diagnoses with the cancer type each year in Denmark. Time before you are safe to say cured is 10 years.
 

Ond

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My big brother had cancer as well, Ewings Sarcoma - went from being a military conscript who worked out five times a week to dying at 23 years old after being declared “cancer free” twice.

I’m happy for you, make something of yourself and don’t waste this life.
ked af at høre det min ven, håber at vejen fremad er en af glæde selvom det er svært
 

Subeh

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another blood test performed

result:
cancer still a pussy bitch.

blood test was clean boys. comin on 4 years cancer free.

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