Clokr
Atom
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2017
- Messages
- 2,905
- Nebulae
- 5,424
All of us have at least one thing that sets us apart from others. Some have birthmarks, or maybe born deformities. But it isn’t always the visible alements or illnesses that plague us the worst.
I did want to get this notice out of the way. By no means am I doing this to try and grab sympathy, attention, or boost my ego. I am doing this because I feel like people need to see it. With anyone having trouble with things that aren’t exactly visible. Like most commonly depression and anxiety.
I want this thread to be available to all. To give people a look into what it’s truly like to be us. To be able to help each other, to put aside our different beliefs and thoughts. And just be humans, helping other humans to understand, or to see. Firstly, I want to start with my story. Or mainly what I have to deal with daily.
Who I really am:
While most people here may know me as just a nobody, others who have been around the WW3RP side of things already know who I am. Or also if you’ve been paying attention to me, which I doubt anyone has.
I am a simple man. Having been born in a very agricultural focused part of the Eastern US to a family of heavily religious, far right aligned parents. Now despite that I was raised well. And my parents did well to try and give me a normal childhood. And as time went on. And the internet became more of a more cheaper and prevelent thing. I owned a laptop. Which I would conduct research on, watch YouTube when it was still in its infancy. And try and do school work.
Now something I never really noticed until I got older was that when I was born. I was diagnosed with a hereditary heart disease. Which basically means most of one of my heart valves just doesn’t work. But it didn’t seem to hinder me too much.
In school I was relatively popular, and respected by all. I was known as the kid who’d go out of his way to help others and do things for others with nothing expected in return.
Honestly up to there my life was perfect. Absolutely wonderful, I had thought I truly was a gift to all. But during the Eigth Grade, my grandfather. Who up to that point was basically my father, due to my biological father not being really available due to him having to work for so long and most times I wouldn’t even be awake to meet him when he came home. Had passed due to Parkinson’s Disease. And then I began to change and I went through the grieving process. And due to me beginning my process through puberty, it didn’t really do much better for me.
So finally after two years of confusion, hormonal imbalances, and very slight physical changes. I had finally gathered up the courage to tell my parents that something wasn’t right within me. So we went to the doctors where I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And began treatment via meds and therapy.
But it only gets worse from there. Nothing seems to help. I became nicotine dependent at 13. Using older friends I had buy me packs of smokes. Which I’d suck down in a day... At 13 fucking years old. While most of the kids my age were busy with their phones. I was smoking like a vet.
It was also around that age where I had gotten into a bad accident. Resulting in my near decapitation by just the grace of whoever was watching over me. As well as being treated and diagnosed with a TBI. And if that isn’t enough for me already. Same year I drown in a private pool and I’m pronounced dead for five minutes before being revived. At 14 I drown two more times. At 15 I have my throat slit, as well as having my right middle, ring, and pinkie finger degloved. How I’m still alive baffles me to this day. And there are so many more little things that I could go on for days about.
Finally after 16 fucking years on this earth, and with most of them it feels like just suffering with depression and anxiety. I attempt suicide, one by firearm. Specifically my TTC Tokarev, another by overdose, one by cutting, and finally another by hanging. All times have failed thankfully.
After recovery I was rediagnosed with crippling depression and anxiety. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, psychosis, as well as a condition within the brain that when overloaded with stress, or anxiety. Would cause the pain receptors to fake symptoms similar to complete paralyzation, partial paralyzation, extreme pain, and overall a sense of just “I’m fucking dying.”
Ever since then I’ve continued therapy of every type, and medication of nearly every type. And if my nicotine dependence wasn’t enough, I became a alcoholic at 17, and I’ve done drugs, a lot of them. All this shit just so I could try and feel relatively “human” or be accepted as one.
Now:
Finally, at my age of 19 now. I’ve managed to clean up my act... Mostly. I’ve been sober for over a week. And sober in terms of substances for nearly a year now. After I had lost a childhood friend to a heroin overdose back in November. And now being able to see a bit more clearer. I’ve took it to try and go back to my roots, to help others who may be going through some real shitty times. I may be far from any sort of doctor, but I’ve seen so many I could basically have a PhD lmao. But seriously. I’ve found that speaking to those who understand you, who truly, TRULY care for you, and want to see you better. Are better then any sort of therapy or medicine for some.
I know that because I’ve been there. And I want to see YOU, get the help YOU need. Because we’re all different, but we’re all humans. And PLEASE! Please please please please! Help each other out too! What I may not be able to do or help with another may be your chance to possibly save a life. Let’s set aside all of our differences for once. And come together as a community.
I did want to get this notice out of the way. By no means am I doing this to try and grab sympathy, attention, or boost my ego. I am doing this because I feel like people need to see it. With anyone having trouble with things that aren’t exactly visible. Like most commonly depression and anxiety.
I want this thread to be available to all. To give people a look into what it’s truly like to be us. To be able to help each other, to put aside our different beliefs and thoughts. And just be humans, helping other humans to understand, or to see. Firstly, I want to start with my story. Or mainly what I have to deal with daily.
Who I really am:
While most people here may know me as just a nobody, others who have been around the WW3RP side of things already know who I am. Or also if you’ve been paying attention to me, which I doubt anyone has.
I am a simple man. Having been born in a very agricultural focused part of the Eastern US to a family of heavily religious, far right aligned parents. Now despite that I was raised well. And my parents did well to try and give me a normal childhood. And as time went on. And the internet became more of a more cheaper and prevelent thing. I owned a laptop. Which I would conduct research on, watch YouTube when it was still in its infancy. And try and do school work.
Now something I never really noticed until I got older was that when I was born. I was diagnosed with a hereditary heart disease. Which basically means most of one of my heart valves just doesn’t work. But it didn’t seem to hinder me too much.
In school I was relatively popular, and respected by all. I was known as the kid who’d go out of his way to help others and do things for others with nothing expected in return.
Honestly up to there my life was perfect. Absolutely wonderful, I had thought I truly was a gift to all. But during the Eigth Grade, my grandfather. Who up to that point was basically my father, due to my biological father not being really available due to him having to work for so long and most times I wouldn’t even be awake to meet him when he came home. Had passed due to Parkinson’s Disease. And then I began to change and I went through the grieving process. And due to me beginning my process through puberty, it didn’t really do much better for me.
So finally after two years of confusion, hormonal imbalances, and very slight physical changes. I had finally gathered up the courage to tell my parents that something wasn’t right within me. So we went to the doctors where I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And began treatment via meds and therapy.
But it only gets worse from there. Nothing seems to help. I became nicotine dependent at 13. Using older friends I had buy me packs of smokes. Which I’d suck down in a day... At 13 fucking years old. While most of the kids my age were busy with their phones. I was smoking like a vet.
It was also around that age where I had gotten into a bad accident. Resulting in my near decapitation by just the grace of whoever was watching over me. As well as being treated and diagnosed with a TBI. And if that isn’t enough for me already. Same year I drown in a private pool and I’m pronounced dead for five minutes before being revived. At 14 I drown two more times. At 15 I have my throat slit, as well as having my right middle, ring, and pinkie finger degloved. How I’m still alive baffles me to this day. And there are so many more little things that I could go on for days about.
Finally after 16 fucking years on this earth, and with most of them it feels like just suffering with depression and anxiety. I attempt suicide, one by firearm. Specifically my TTC Tokarev, another by overdose, one by cutting, and finally another by hanging. All times have failed thankfully.
After recovery I was rediagnosed with crippling depression and anxiety. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, psychosis, as well as a condition within the brain that when overloaded with stress, or anxiety. Would cause the pain receptors to fake symptoms similar to complete paralyzation, partial paralyzation, extreme pain, and overall a sense of just “I’m fucking dying.”
Ever since then I’ve continued therapy of every type, and medication of nearly every type. And if my nicotine dependence wasn’t enough, I became a alcoholic at 17, and I’ve done drugs, a lot of them. All this shit just so I could try and feel relatively “human” or be accepted as one.
Now:
Finally, at my age of 19 now. I’ve managed to clean up my act... Mostly. I’ve been sober for over a week. And sober in terms of substances for nearly a year now. After I had lost a childhood friend to a heroin overdose back in November. And now being able to see a bit more clearer. I’ve took it to try and go back to my roots, to help others who may be going through some real shitty times. I may be far from any sort of doctor, but I’ve seen so many I could basically have a PhD lmao. But seriously. I’ve found that speaking to those who understand you, who truly, TRULY care for you, and want to see you better. Are better then any sort of therapy or medicine for some.
I know that because I’ve been there. And I want to see YOU, get the help YOU need. Because we’re all different, but we’re all humans. And PLEASE! Please please please please! Help each other out too! What I may not be able to do or help with another may be your chance to possibly save a life. Let’s set aside all of our differences for once. And come together as a community.
Reactions:
List
