Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Clokr]

Days are slowing to a near crawl now. I cannot function anymore. I must literally force myself to keep going. Medication isn’t helping. Friends aren’t responding. No idea what the fuck my family is doing. Can’t go out, can’t interact, can’t feel anything emotionally. Almost relapsed entirely. Urge to cut increasing. Fear of being forced back into wards skyrocketing. Night terrors getting worse, psychosis sending me into borderline insanity. Can’t see anyone without thinking about having a hand to hold. Can’t cry. About to snap again completely.

Am I even real? Is this just another night terror I’ll awake from? What does it mean to actually fucking live? I’m tired of surviving, I just wanna be alive for fuck sakes

 

[Clokr]

I’m losing hold. I’m losing this battle and I’m fucking losing it fast. I just want the pain to fucking stop. It hurts so fucking much I can feel it crawling under my skin. I can’t get their fucking faces out of my head... my god their faces, all screaming at me. I can’t fucking take it

 

[Deleted member 3818]

I’m losing hold. I’m losing this battle and I’m fucking losing it fast. I just want the pain to fucking stop. It hurts so fucking much I can feel it crawling under my skin. I can’t get their fucking faces out of my head... my god their faces, all screaming at me. I can’t fucking take it

I'm not sure what i can do to help man but I'd recommend seeking some professional medical support if you haven't already, maybe a change of scenery would be good? Perhaps just finding something you really wanna do with your life could give you a good purpose to keep on going and take your mind off what's troubling you a bit?

 

[Deleted member 3818]

Nothing brings me more joy than those memories.

Nothing brings me more pain knowing it’ll never be the same.​

 

[Clokr]

I love the 4th of July to death. One day of the year I’m able to just forget about all the politics and shit and just be glad to be an American for once...

Until the fireworks start and my fucking PTSD rewrites all the fireworks into thinking it’s incoming shells, if anyone needs me I’ll be cowering in the corner clutching my rifle. Thanks

 

[constantdisplay]

I love the 4th of July to death. One day of the year I’m able to just forget about all the politics and shit and just be glad to be an American for once...

Until the fireworks start and my fucking PTSD rewrites all the fireworks into thinking it’s incoming shells, if anyone needs me I’ll be cowering in the corner clutching my rifle. Thanks

stay safe brother

 

[aperson]

the feeling of this for no reason:

 

[Trains]

i have the urge to post a massive rant but i don’t want to sound like a dramatic prick so maybe i won’t

all i’ll say for now is that things have been better

 

[aperson]

i have the urge to post a massive rant but i don’t want to sound like a dramatic prick so maybe i won’t

all i’ll say for now is that things have been better

vent
go off it

 

[Clokr]

i have the urge to post a massive rant but i don’t want to sound like a dramatic prick so maybe i won’t

all i’ll say for now is that things have been better

I’m glad that things are doing better for you. As I can say myself things are picking up FUCKING FINALLY and I’m glad to see others starting to feel better

As for the rant. It’s the whole purpose as to why I made this. Despite popular tactics by a few people (you lot fuckin know who you are). I made this in a way to allow people to discuss things about themselves, get shit off their chests. And try and get ideas and possible things to help them work things out WITHOUT the muppets from CE blasting out of both ends. No politics, no stupid shit. Just humans caring for other humans, as it should be.

 

[Isuckatgaming]

Making two sandwiches while a couple of cups of coffee are brewing in the background at 7:45 am after pulling the 5th all nighter of the month

Sometimes it really do be like that... It really do

 

[Sil]

Making two sandwiches while a couple of cups of coffee are brewing in the background at 7:45 am after pulling the 5th all nighter of the month

Sometimes it really do be like that... It really do

Get some rest, tired doodle.

 

[Dr Heckyll]

I was walking down the street and there was this old guy walking his dog. This dog was really fat and trailing behind so the guy turned around said to it really loud, “Come on now.”. It was so funny and cute I couldnt help but smile and he smiled back at me

 

[Isuckatgaming]

Get some rest, tired doodle.

I took a small 30 minute nap a few hours ago. My chair is comfy.

I don't wanna sleep in the middle of the day cause it'll just be more trouble but rest assured I'm gonna crash onto my bed early this evening and sleep like a baby.

 

[Sil]

I took a small 30 minute nap a few hours ago. My chair is comfy.

I don't wanna sleep in the middle of the day cause it'll just be more trouble but rest assured I'm gonna crash onto my bed early this evening and sleep like a baby.

Just ensure you get a proper 7-10 hour rest

 

[Clokr]

Welp I’ve got my meds changed about for the first time in about a year. Seem to be workin for the better so far.

Only downside is now night terrors are every night (I take my medication in the morning). But they don’t seem to interrupt my sleep at all. No matter how frightening or surreal they are. It’s really impacting my ability to function correctly when I keep thinking about them during the day.

This really sucks. I just want a good nights rest where I can wake up and NOT remember all the horrifying nightmares I have all night

 

[Clokr]

Well recently my father who has had a lymphomic cancer for as long as I’ve been alive. Has found a bump in his eyelid.

It’s been about 3 years since he went into remission for his previous surgery which removed a cancerous node in his kidney region.

Today he went to the doctors for the bump in his eyelid and they put him on schedule for a MRI due in only a few hours from now. As well as a surgery due on either Monday or sometime next week.

Im truly afraid that his cancer has spread to his brain. @Subeh if you know anything about lymphomic cancers and the time it takes for them to spread please tell me. I’m truly afraid that he doesn’t have long to live and I don’t want that to happen now when I’m still so young in my life.

Im still an atheist but if there really is a god. I dont care which religion. I will worship them for the rest of my fucking life if this turns out to be just a cyst and not the cancer spreading to his brain.

 

[Subeh]

Well recently my father who has had a lymphomic cancer for as long as I’ve been alive. Has found a bump in his eyelid.

It’s been about 3 years since he went into remission for his previous surgery which removed a cancerous node in his kidney region.

Today he went to the doctors for the bump in his eyelid and they put him on schedule for a MRI due in only a few hours from now. As well as a surgery due on either Monday or sometime next week.

Im truly afraid that his cancer has spread to his brain. @Subeh if you know anything about lymphomic cancers and the time it takes for them to spread please tell me. I’m truly afraid that he doesn’t have long to live and I don’t want that to happen now when I’m still so young in my life.

Im still an atheist but if there really is a god. I dont care which religion. I will worship them for the rest of my fucking life if this turns out to be just a cyst and not the cancer spreading to his brain.

The best thing to do right now mate is to relax and not assume anything.

I'm unfamiliar with the rate of spread when it comes to lymphatic cancers and truth be told it's different in everyone. Things like cysts and other lumps in the eyes are pretty common for older people so I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it's just that.

The one I had in my left eye didn't even change the shape of the eye for a helluva long time, as it grew INSIDE the eye and not on the outside - I don't know if that's always the case or not, though.

Another thing too; just because it spread to an eye, doesn't mean it spread to his brain whatsoever - cancer has a really intricate way of making its way through the body and it's redundant assuming x location means x origin point.

The best thing, like I said, is to assume nothing and wait for the facts. I know from personal experience that the waiting is the worst part - worse than chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, all of it - and I know hearing 'just relax and wait' is the equivalent to a punch in the gut, but it's honestly the best thing to keep in mind.

Keep us updated, tag me when you get the results.

 

[Deleted member 5501]

We roleplay to escape the reality of life and to live what we aspire to be.

 

[Clokr]

The best thing to do right now mate is to relax and not assume anything.

I'm unfamiliar with the rate of spread when it comes to lymphatic cancers and truth be told it's different in everyone. Things like cysts and other lumps in the eyes are pretty common for older people so I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it's just that.

The one I had in my left eye didn't even change the shape of the eye for a helluva long time, as it grew INSIDE the eye and not on the outside - I don't know if that's always the case or not, though.

Another thing too; just because it spread to an eye, doesn't mean it spread to his brain whatsoever - cancer has a really intricate way of making its way through the body and it's redundant assuming x location means x origin point.

The best thing, like I said, is to assume nothing and wait for the facts. I know from personal experience that the waiting is the worst part - worse than chemotherapy, radiation, surgery, all of it - and I know hearing 'just relax and wait' is the equivalent to a punch in the gut, but it's honestly the best thing to keep in mind.

Keep us updated, tag me when you get the results.

Thank you so so SO fucking very much. Words alone cannot seriously say how thankful I am to hear all of this. I’ve never been too acknowledged besides the basic, usual shit because I was too afraid or too sad to go too deep into it. But this truly does bring me relief to just sit back for a few moments and bring everything together.

I truly did have trouble typing a response. As I spent over half my time responding just balling my fucking eyes out and begging for a god or fucking anything at all to just say that he’ll be okay. I don’t care about myself, I just want him to be okay and live a lot while longer to actually see me get married and to see his first grandchild. He means so fucking much to me I seriously can’t explain in words.

I know exactly how it feels from both your prospective and your families man. You’re so incredibly strong and just fucking amazing for staying alive throughout this whole thing. I’ll give you an update as soon as I can. And I’ll do what I can with what I have to calm myself, and know that well all be okay.

If I could fucking kiss you I would man. Thank you so much. And thank you so much to everyone else as well. I don’t at all do this for the nebs, or for the publicity. I just want my pops to be okay and to keep living. Just as I promised him.