Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Clokr]

I don't know how to even start this.
It's my first time ever asking for advice(?)

Spoiler: personal?

I have troubles speaking often.
It tends to happen in situations i uh
feel embarrased, or stressed. i don't really know if this is a real issue
since 100% people i know dont have problems with it.
i worry that everybody i know dislikes me, or is against me
i doubt myself many times, if that counts

I’ve had speech impediments and random stutters all my life. In nearly every conversation I’ve had in person, wether it be like a exciting or worrying nature I’ve always stuttered or have had trouble pronouncing words correctly or even speaking.

It’s really made me feel embarrassed a lot and also helped contribute to me just being such a shy introvert today. But I have learned to sort of just go with it. And not really worry about it. But even now it sucks when I’m trying to like talk to a girl or guy I like and I just stutter like a motherfucker.

Sorta best advice I can give is if you can, talk slowly. Allow your brain to think and slowly push words out without them stumbling over each other or just confuse you. But I dunno really what your specific issues are.

Speak slow enough so you can think, but not so slow that you sound like a broken robot. I can try and help you more if you’re willing to talk about it more.

 

[Deleted member 3818]

I've struggled with the same sort of speaking problems a lot, having more confidence in yourself is definitely the key to solving this but how you achieve that is different for different people. On of the ways i personally deal with this sort of thing is summed up well by this quote. "It is better to be a master of your own silence than a slave to your own words".

When I'm with close friends I loosen up a bit but i generally try to not speak unless I need to, and when I do I always think through what I'm about to say making sure that I know exactly what I plan to say and that I won't ever regret saying it.

 

[florek]

Hope y'all enjoying the event, I'm riding out a heavy cold that struck me during my internship at court. Gotta call in my doc tomororw and check if its Corona or just a regular influenza.

 

[aeromantis]

sometimes I wonder who I wronged in a past life to be blessed with existing

it's been a consistent trend that anything good that happens to me will leave or be undone either by my own stupidity or sheer shitty luck.

I've moved away from every friend I had back in february... I've always been a loner due to me being a generally unpleasant person to be around, but I had a few close friends that I hung out with on occasion, and I treasure the time I had with them, despite it feeling like they were tolerating me at times. but now I have no where to hide from myself.

I've been an asshole to people both here and off community, you know who you are, and I'm sorry to everyone that's been affected by my insecurity, I have no excuse to give.

shit is spiralling, no one will hire me and I'm fast approaching my overdraft limit.
wonder what happens when I hit rock bottom...

a lot of you here made shit tolerable and I was blind when I thought leaving would help, it just made things a whole lot fucking worse
shout out to everyone who helped me feel better, even if it was for a brief moment in time.

I had to get this out somewhere, I have no where else
thank you for listening

it fucking continues.
some fucker tried to steal my bike in the night. thankfully the steering lock held up (props to kawasaki).
but he tried to break it so hard, the fucking handlebars are bent, and now it's pretty much unrideable. and i don't have the money to replace them.

life keeps finding new ways to ram its big fucking dick right up my ass, and i'm sick of this shit.

to top it off he tore the £50 rain cover that it had on
absolute subhuman fucking twat

 

[Trains]

it fucking continues.
some fucker tried to steal my bike in the night. thankfully the steering lock held up (props to kawasaki).
but he tried to break it so hard, the fucking handlebars are bent, and now it's pretty much unrideable. and i don't have the money to replace them.

life keeps finding new ways to ram its big fucking dick right up my ass, and i'm sick of this shit.

to top it off he tore the £50 rain cover that it had on
absolute subhuman fucking twat

why do people like this exist
absolute scum

if there’s any way i can help let me know man, we’re here for you

 

[aeromantis]

if there’s any way i can help let me know man, we’re here for you

tell the universe to fuck off my shit for a minute
aside from that, nothing much
thanks for the support though

 

[Clokr]

The fact I actually just fucking remembered that my depression and anxiety is causing me extreme memory loss is very frightening.

I’m actually starting to forget usually very important things from my life, and even some of the things that I spent years learning.

 

[hbag]

The fact I actually just fucking remembered that my depression and anxiety is causing me extreme memory loss is very frightening.

I’m actually starting to forget usually very important things from my life, and even some of the things that I spent years learning.

big same there chief
i genuinely cannot remember anything

 

[Clokr]

big same there chief
i genuinely cannot remember anything

And of course I can remember the fucking sound a human body makes upon falling from an extreme height onto asphalt but I can’t remember my own fucking age

This is literally the “I don’t want to be horny anymore” meme but unironic and replace horny with broken

 

[Trains]

sorry to bump this thread

don’t read this if you don’t give a shit, i’m only posting here because i don’t really have anyone to tell

Spoiler: personal

so after nearly 2 years of my brother having some weird fucking mental issue which manifests mental stress into physical symptoms, he’s finally getting proper help. i won’t go into detail here, ask me directly if you want

he was meant to get help like a year ago but because mental health is pathetically underfunded it didn’t happen.

then we got lucky! then we didn’t! he was meant to be where he is now fucking months ago but because some prick decided to eat a bat it didn’t happen!

he’s a completely normal kid, but he’s been out of school for a while now and it’s holding him back from living his life. it’s been a very rough couple of years but HOPEFULLY things might start improving now.

it’s been rough on me and my family, on top of a lot of other things that have been going on which i cba to get into, but maybe now there’s a silver lining. maybe. idk, touchwood

i’ll spare you all the dramatic semantics, i’m not writing this for sympathy or attention or anything, it’s just nice to have put it down somewhere i guess. just don’t take the piss if we’re not friends x

yeah that’s all
love u all, this place has been my refuge while shit’s been going on lmao (not to say i’m leaving - i’m not going anywhere :wink:)

small update no one asked for + how im doing

this is more for me to just vent

Spoiler: whatever man

it's going well, i think. it's gonna take a lot longer than i thought it would, i think it's only now the gravity of it's setting in properly. it's only been a few weeks but it's all been a bit of a blur. he's in good spirits when he comes home of a weekend but the nights are still as shit as they always have been. when he's not here it's too quiet. i fucking hate it. there's a lot i'd wanna say on here but i have a deep seated fear that people will use shit against me because i know there's some scummy fucking cunts on the internet. all i can say is that it's been hard on all of us, and it's gonna be going on for some time yet. i really do worry for him, though.


aside from that

life's got no real structure atm and im just taking it day by day. i dont really think much about the future i just deal with whats right infront of me and distract myself with mindless shit like gmod when im not doing anything lol

like i have aspirations and goals and shit, i just cant bring myself to work towards them for some reason
education, everything, its all kinda gone to shit. i dont know why, i wish i did, but i dont really care anymore tbh. i feel happy at times, utterly shit other times, but almost all the time i just feel like i hardly exist

whenever i try and talk about how im doing mentally i try and make it seem less dramatic because i dont want to seem like a bitch
but i've felt like this for a good couple of years now if not more

i just want it to stop

im sorry, i know none of you give a shit but i just dont know what im meant to do really. and compared to some people in this thread its really nothing. sorry


i'll probably ask for this to be deleted at some point i dont fucking know

 

[Clokr]

small update no one asked for + how im doing

this is more for me to just vent

Spoiler: whatever man

it's going well, i think. it's gonna take a lot longer than i thought it would, i think it's only now the gravity of it's setting in properly. it's only been a few weeks but it's all been a bit of a blur. he's in good spirits when he comes home of a weekend but the nights are still as shit as they always have been. when he's not here it's too quiet. i fucking hate it. there's a lot i'd wanna say on here but i have a deep seated fear that people will use shit against me because i know there's some scummy fucking cunts on the internet. all i can say is that it's been hard on all of us, and it's gonna be going on for some time yet. i really do worry for him, though.


aside from that

life's got no real structure atm and im just taking it day by day. i dont really think much about the future i just deal with whats right infront of me and distract myself with mindless shit like gmod when im not doing anything lol

like i have aspirations and goals and shit, i just cant bring myself to work towards them for some reason
education, everything, its all kinda gone to shit. i dont know why, i wish i did, but i dont really care anymore tbh. i feel happy at times, utterly shit other times, but almost all the time i just feel like i hardly exist

whenever i try and talk about how im doing mentally i try and make it seem less dramatic because i dont want to seem like a bitch
but i've felt like this for a good couple of years now if not more

i just want it to stop

im sorry, i know none of you give a shit but i just dont know what im meant to do really. and compared to some people in this thread its really nothing. sorry


i'll probably ask for this to be deleted at some point i dont fucking know

Wish I could’ve seen this sooner but fuckin shits been a bit wild for myself honestly. But hey, it’s worth tryna help you out best I can

As for your brothers issue. As far as I know from having it myself. It’s gonna be with him for life. But I can be wrong, there’s literally like no research at all into this shit. And just about every doctor has gone “I dunno man you’re in your own dude.” But it is important to know that it’ll be nothing that can cause serious life lasting effects. At most each or every symptom will last for a few days then he’ll probably be good for a while. Best advice I can give for that is do what you can to help him rid of stress, as that supposedly from limited research is one of the main causing things for it. I can certainly try and help you out some more and give you more info personally out if public eye if you want.

But then for yourself. What I can recommend is to take things slowly and easily. I’ve been there a lot myself. And I still don’t know what to do, but I like to retain that hope that eventually it’ll come to me and I’ll know what to do and how to do it. Life just has really fucked ways of telling us things.

Most important thing is to get out of your comfort zone, go out for a row on the town or even just go for a fuckin walk even. Whatever you aren’t used to or really feel comfortable with will help you. As stupid as it may seem or sound, it is true. And it may really fuck you up. And do take time to get out of there and calm yourself. But it is also important not to give up on it. You’ll likely find that motivation or push to do shit when you least expect it.

 

[Microsoft Powerpoint]

im very ill

 

[Deleted member 22]

-snip-

 

[Clokr]

Oh boy here we go again. Don’t even bother reading if you don’t give a shit, I guess

Not even into a second infusion yet for the old man yet he’s already feeling it like he’s been doing it already for months. I’ve had to take over for a lot of his shit since he’s just so out of it. And then I can barely even do anything cause stress fucking overtakes me and I can’t even fucking do anything to relieve that stress cause I’m fuckin stuck tryna look after him and the rest of my family.

I’m starting to rapidly lose memory, both short and long term. I don’t even remember what I was doing a couple hours ago, and I keep losing track and focus.

My friends have basically given up on me it feels like. They’ve been hanging out so much recently and none of them have even gone out of their way to fuckin see if I’m like around or available. Literally no one starts a conversation with me, or maybe I just can’t fucking remember.

My back is getting worse too it feels like, same with my knee. I’m walking around just about every day with a limp.

Ive been trying to find like a potential partner or lover or whatever the fuck you wanna call them. But the more I look the more hope in ever finding someone I loose. These motherfuckers seem to all treat it like it was a past time or a game to try and fuck whoever they can and then just leave. I can’t even find any possible male partners cause I’d just be outcasted and called a freak or a fag. All my friends make these gay jokes and shit and bash on them but I just can’t bring myself to tell them like I like guys as well cause they’d fuckin freak out and throw me away like a used rubber

So much going wrong and nothing going right. What the fuck am I doing wrong?

 

[constantdisplay]

Oh boy here we go again. Don’t even bother reading if you don’t give a shit, I guess

Not even into a second infusion yet for the old man yet he’s already feeling it like he’s been doing it already for months. I’ve had to take over for a lot of his shit since he’s just so out of it. And then I can barely even do anything cause stress fucking overtakes me and I can’t even fucking do anything to relieve that stress cause I’m fuckin stuck tryna look after him and the rest of my family.

I’m starting to rapidly lose memory, both short and long term. I don’t even remember what I was doing a couple hours ago, and I keep losing track and focus.

My friends have basically given up on me it feels like. They’ve been hanging out so much recently and none of them have even gone out of their way to fuckin see if I’m like around or available. Literally no one starts a conversation with me, or maybe I just can’t fucking remember.

My back is getting worse too it feels like, same with my knee. I’m walking around just about every day with a limp.

Ive been trying to find like a potential partner or lover or whatever the fuck you wanna call them. But the more I look the more hope in ever finding someone I loose. These motherfuckers seem to all treat it like it was a past time or a game to try and fuck whoever they can and then just leave. I can’t even find any possible male partners cause I’d just be outcasted and called a freak or a fag. All my friends make these gay jokes and shit and bash on them but I just can’t bring myself to tell them like I like guys as well cause they’d fuckin freak out and throw me away like a used rubber

So much going wrong and nothing going right. What the fuck am I doing wrong?

if anyone's in the wrong its ur homophobic uncaring friends who haven't tried to reach out when ur (most likely) obviously dealing with shit, not trying to be preachy or anything

 

[Clokr]

Fucking cool I tried to set tonight up with my friends for the past like week so I could talk to them and get shit straightened out and tonight they were supposed to arrive at my place so we could all get together and I could talk to them.

Lo and behold, the moment they were supposed to arrive. Right fucking as I type this in fact. They all text me to say “yeah sorry I’m out of state” or “I’m doing something else.”

Like okay cool thanks guys! Like we haven’t taken the WHOLE FUCKING WEEK to talk it out and figure out a type where supposedly you’d all be available! Thanks!

 

[Rabid]

As most of you know my nan is terminally ill with less than a year left to live but it is getting harder and harder to look after her and I'm struggling.

My nan is a very headstrong and stubborn woman. That would usually be fine because you used to be able to sit her down and knock sense into her when she did something dumb. Except she's suffering from a combination of delirium to urine infections and memory issues from her tablets. Nothing sticks with her anymore, even short term. Every single day she runs herself ragged to the toilet on broken legs until she can barely get to-and-from and I have to help her on and off the bed every time (sometimes 5/6/7 times an hour). She knows this causes us all stress but she's determined that she doesn't have any 'accidents' or anything to the point its developed into an OCD sort of thing.

And nothing works on getting her to stop because nothing sticks anymore. She forgets we ever tried to sit her down to talk. She'll forget simple shit, too, like how to screw on a bottle lid. She'll say hurtful stuff because she hates being confronted then forget she said it so feels bad when she's told off as she can't remember it. She'll forget I said I was going downstairs to eat and expect me to come back up to help her do something. She'll tell me she wishes it were all over and she'd die several times a day.

Which would be fine except it is day in and day out. My mam can't bend because it sets off her cluster headaches that leave her crying clutching an icepack to her jaw and I'm literally worried I'm going to put my back out as a result of all the lifting.

I'm waking up and going to sleep most days exhausted and I'm accidentally causing fights and arguments with those people closest to me, friends and otherwise, as a result because I'm snapping and making shitty decisions.

I love my nan and I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because its all I can do but its just so hard sometimes because its like groundhog day but its with someone you love.

Today is one of those days.

 

[Clokr]

As most of you know my nan is terminally ill with less than a year left to live but it is getting harder and harder to look after her and I'm struggling.

My nan is a very headstrong and stubborn woman. That would usually be fine because you used to be able to sit her down and knock sense into her when she did something dumb. Except she's suffering from a combination of delirium to urine infections and memory issues from her tablets. Nothing sticks with her anymore, even short term. Every single day she runs herself ragged to the toilet on broken legs until she can barely get to-and-from and I have to help her on and off the bed every time (sometimes 5/6/7 times an hour). She knows this causes us all stress but she's determined that she doesn't have any 'accidents' or anything to the point its developed into an OCD sort of thing.

And nothing works on getting her to stop because nothing sticks anymore. She forgets we ever tried to sit her down to talk. She'll forget simple shit, too, like how to screw on a bottle lid. She'll say hurtful stuff because she hates being confronted then forget she said it so feels bad when she's told off as she can't remember it. She'll forget I said I was going downstairs to eat and expect me to come back up to help her do something. She'll tell me she wishes it were all over and she'd die several times a day.

Which would be fine except it is day in and day out. My mam can't bend because it sets off her cluster headaches that leave her crying clutching an icepack to her jaw and I'm literally worried I'm going to put my back out as a result of all the lifting.

I'm waking up and going to sleep most days exhausted and I'm accidentally causing fights and arguments with those people closest to me, friends and otherwise, as a result because I'm snapping and making shitty decisions.

I love my nan and I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because its all I can do but its just so hard sometimes because its like groundhog day but its with someone you love.

Today is one of those days.

It honestly hurts to read this because I had this exact same kind of experience with my grandfather before he passed. He had a serious hernia and other heart problems and eventually he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, dementia, along other things. In the months leading up to his passing we all had to help him. He couldn’t bathe himself, use the restroom on his own, even sit up or even walk without one of us walking him.

There would even be days where he wouldn’t even recognize me. And it hurt more when he began to think I was one of his old army buddies and kept speaking to me like he was still in Italy back in the 60s.

As much as it really hurts to see this happen. And as much as this may sound like a bit of an asshole thing to say. Get yourself ready for that time man. Because I wasn’t. And it only made his passing even worse for me. It can come at any time. But just know that it’s a natural thing to happen. And please don’t be afraid of that time when it’ll come.

 

[Clokr]

So uh the other night when I thought I was being ignored again my one friend who we actually spent all our lives together since elementary came over cause he just knew I’d be really bummed about the others

We actually talked for hours and eventually I worked up the courage to shift the conversation a bit and I actually fucking managed to come out to him.

First fucking thing he did was hug me and he actually showed no resentment or ill feelings at all. He actually fully supported me.

There are very few moments in my life which actually get me to tear up with happy tears and this is absolutely one of them. I’m so glad I know this dude and if he wasn’t straight and didn’t have a girl already I’d lowkey go out with him

 

[Deleted member 442]

tbh i've been in a really dark place for the last few weeks and it hurts. today has probably been one of the worst days.

it's never one specific thing, just a culmination of things in this cluster fuck of a year.

i'll pull through, i always do, but fuck it sucks. taking a couple weeks off work to try and pull myself together.

i don't like 2020.