Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Clokr]

Checking in again

Currently feeling weird, confusing thoughts regarding people. Do you ever have those opinions that you want to say, or at least get across, yet at the end of the day you're happy for no change to happen for them to take place? Like, you saying your opinion is merely just to state it but you're not going to go out of your way to protest and perform activism to instil those changes? I guess I should provide an example.

To not get wildly political, this'll be a small minute opinion. I believe that Pineapple is Okay on a Pizza. However, I do not want people to put Pineapples on Every Pizza, nor do I want people to put Pineapple on their Pizza because I said I feel it's okay. Some may infer that I think Pineapple should always be on Pizza, and that by having Pineapples on Pizza that the Pizza is made better. Or, others may infer that I hate Pizzas that don't have Pineapple on them, for not having Pineapple on them. In actuality, what I said is bluntly what I feel, and there aren't any underlying thoughts to accompany it. Yet unfortunately, some people will actively try to infer thoughts to accompany it for their own reasons, and then when they say adamantly that they think that I'm being unfair or offensive by thinking the way that I do by using their inferred thoughts as hard evidence, I am unable to adequately defend my point as they will still try and say that I am in-fact wrong and evil and offensive for it. And, when I get so tired at trying to defend my point to them that I feel incapable, I will merely try to pass it off as if I agree with them and that I'm just showing the opinions of the opposition or that I was misinformed and that I concede.

Replace the metaphor with a majority of topics, both serious and minor, and at the end of the day that's what seems to be happening with me and some people. People who, merely a few weeks prior, had been close friends with. The fact that despite investing so much time and effort into a friendship, that they'd rather toss it away over things like this, hurts me deeply. Yet, I still feel like it's wrong to feel hurt by their actions as in my head, it says that I caused this upon myself, these are the consequences, deal with it.

Have any of you felt similar ways, or know others who have? Do any of you know of ways to deal with it?
I'm going to be getting counselling soon regarding it as well as a wealth of other issues, but it helps me learn to see how others have dealt with it so that I may find ways that work for me.

In all honesty. The more I read this over and over again the more I can piece this together.

Both me, my friends, and family even share this complex if you wanna call it a complex. I honestly think its just a part of humanity. It’s really hard to explain as well cause the way I was left allowed me to understand people and how they think sometimes. Like I could tell what you’re thinking from reading your face, your expressions, and literally get an idea what kinda person you are from just being in the same room as you.

But I’m getting off topic. What I’m tryna get at is it’s completely normal man. You aren’t weird or wrong or evil for thinking what you want man. People just have a tendency to be blinded by disagreement that can turn into hate. Like my Aunt who I’ve known and seen all my life is a far left leaning person. And I never even brought up my political alignment to anyone and she hates me now because she found out my parents are leaning more to the right. It’s really weird and it hurts but there’s nothing we can really do to sway the opinions of others. That’s up to them and their brain what they wanna believe

 

[Sil]

In all honesty. The more I read this over and over again the more I can piece this together.

Both me, my friends, and family even share this complex if you wanna call it a complex. I honestly think its just a part of humanity. It’s really hard to explain as well cause the way I was left allowed me to understand people and how they think sometimes. Like I could tell what you’re thinking from reading your face, your expressions, and literally get an idea what kinda person you are from just being in the same room as you.

But I’m getting off topic. What I’m tryna get at is it’s completely normal man. You aren’t weird or wrong or evil for thinking what you want man. People just have a tendency to be blinded by disagreement that can turn into hate. Like my Aunt who I’ve known and seen all my life is a far left leaning person. And I never even brought up my political alignment to anyone and she hates me now because she found out my parents are leaning more to the right. It’s really weird and it hurts but there’s nothing we can really do to sway the opinions of others. That’s up to them and their brain what they wanna believe

: )

thank you man

 

[Trains]

snip

 

[Mute]

sorry for digging this thread up but what i wanted to say didnt really fit into a profile post

ive always had issues with my verbal speech, i feel like i just cant get across what i want to say a lot of the time

i feel like during the lockdown with me talking less and less its just been getting worse, recently it just feels like im constantly tumbling over my words when i speak to people or everything i say falls flat cause i struggle to spit it out, i sometimes mix up words or cant even think of the right one

its really annoying, i dont know if theres anything i can even do about it and i feel like i come off as some idiot or someone that has a learning disability

really worries me in the future especially if i have to work somewhere that requires constant communication, or if i need to attend some sort of interview all alone

 

[deathwolf]

sorry for digging this thread up but what i wanted to say didnt really fit into a profile post

ive always had issues with my verbal speech, i feel like i just cant get across what i want to say a lot of the time

i feel like during the lockdown with me talking less and less its just been getting worse, recently it just feels like im constantly tumbling over my words when i speak to people or everything i say falls flat cause i struggle to spit it out, i sometimes mix up words or cant even think of the right one

its really annoying, i dont know if theres anything i can even do about it and i feel like i come off as some idiot or someone that has a learning disability

really worries me in the future especially if i have to work somewhere that requires constant communication, or if i need to attend some sort of interview all alone

I know some people with TERRIBLE stutters, 9 out of 10 people don't really take notice or care, I wouldn't get myself hung up over it, and if you think about it less, you might even get better

 

[Mute]

I know some people with TERRIBLE stutters, 9 out of 10 people don't really take notice or care, I wouldn't get myself hung up over it, and if you think about it less, you might even get better

its not even really a stutter though, i just lock up or let sentences trail off while i struggle to put my thoughts into words

And not that i even care, i know my friends and family usually get what i want to get across but its really infuriating to me when i try to say something and it just comes up as unintelligible or something way off from what i meant to say

 

[Blackquill]

sorry for digging this thread up but what i wanted to say didnt really fit into a profile post

ive always had issues with my verbal speech, i feel like i just cant get across what i want to say a lot of the time

i feel like during the lockdown with me talking less and less its just been getting worse, recently it just feels like im constantly tumbling over my words when i speak to people or everything i say falls flat cause i struggle to spit it out, i sometimes mix up words or cant even think of the right one

its really annoying, i dont know if theres anything i can even do about it and i feel like i come off as some idiot or someone that has a learning disability

really worries me in the future especially if i have to work somewhere that requires constant communication, or if i need to attend some sort of interview all alone

This might seem really dumb, but you could do some kind of verbal exercises.

Alternatively, you could practice pausing more often in speech to give your brain more time to think about what you're saying. Your mouth moves faster than your brain and it helps to sometimes just slow down and take a moment

That's why humans do the whole 'uh' or 'um' thing. It's to fill the gap.

Also, if you struggle putting your thoughts into words, again - you could practice writing down your thoughts and then reciting them to yourself.

 

[Microsoft Powerpoint]

do u ever just break shit

like when its too good u just deliberately ruin it for no reason

idk why i keep doing it

 

[Deleted member 3818]

You know that feeling when you finish a tv series it's like a piece of you is just missing? yeah...

 

[Deleted member 5367]

Digging up this old thread because I don't like confronting people directly about this shit
It feels like I'm putting a responsibility on them to answer my bullshit or something
And for some reason it's somewhat easier to just say it aloud, guess because I'm not implying any sort of obligation or on-the-spot shit on someone and just kinda talking to myself almost

I'm pretty open the fact that I have OCD, joke about a lot too because who cares shit's funny
But god damn it's been rough lately
I just can't control my obsessions anymore and often they intrude on me when I'm laying down, talking with my family, or anything really
This who past year with corona and everything has been hell since contamination and infection is one of my longest running obsessions
I find it increasingly terrible and horrifying to go outside and interact with anything that leaves my house
Lately my arms have been burning and in pain because of the amount of times I wash them, all the way up to the elbow
It's really easy to go days without leaving the house because of fear of what's out there. It's just all so much and it's not worth the anxiety of going out
even when I do go out I can spend up to an hour or more just cleaning myself, taking a shower, and changing my clothes all because they've interacted with the outside
Just tonight I must've spent upwards of an hour just washing my hands over and over again because they didn't feel clean

It's just all so much man. I miss being able to walk around and not be afraid of everything I touched. I used to be able to stand in a subway car packed shoulder to shoulder full of strangers and be fine, but now if my elbow bumps into the door as I go outside to pick up a food delivery I gotta clean myself and change my whole outfit

Been like this my whole life but can never get used to how much it sucks

 

[Warwick]

Digging up this old thread because I don't like confronting people directly about this shit
It feels like I'm putting a responsibility on them to answer my bullshit or something
And for some reason it's somewhat easier to just say it aloud, guess because I'm not implying any sort of obligation or on-the-spot shit on someone and just kinda talking to myself almost

I'm pretty open the fact that I have OCD, joke about a lot too because who cares shit's funny
But god damn it's been rough lately
I just can't control my obsessions anymore and often they intrude on me when I'm laying down, talking with my family, or anything really
This who past year with corona and everything has been hell since contamination and infection is one of my longest running obsessions
I find it increasingly terrible and horrifying to go outside and interact with anything that leaves my house
Lately my arms have been burning and in pain because of the amount of times I wash them, all the way up to the elbow
It's really easy to go days without leaving the house because of fear of what's out there. It's just all so much and it's not worth the anxiety of going out
even when I do go out I can spend up to an hour or more just cleaning myself, taking a shower, and changing my clothes all because they've interacted with the outside
Just tonight I must've spent upwards of an hour just washing my hands over and over again because they didn't feel clean

It's just all so much man. I miss being able to walk around and not be afraid of everything I touched. I used to be able to stand in a subway car packed shoulder to shoulder full of strangers and be fine, but now if my elbow bumps into the door as I go outside to pick up a food delivery I gotta clean myself and change my whole outfit

Been like this my whole life but can never get used to how much it sucks

You need cognitive behavioural therapy, and possibly medicating. Speak with a doctor or a therapist depending on what you can afford. It might not sound appealing at first, but it'll make your life more manageable. I wish you all the best.

 

[Deleted member 5367]

You need cognitive behavioural therapy, and possibly medicating. Speak with a doctor or a therapist depending on what you can afford. It might not sound appealing at first, but it'll make your life more manageable. I wish you all the best.

agreed man

I'm on medication, so don't worry about that

I was on CBT for years and it did fucking wonders for me, but I stopped going because a majority of my symptoms went away and it was fucking amazing
(therapy works guys, it just takes time!)

I might start therapy again. lately i've just been stubborn and unwilling, which is another issue of mine

thanks for taking your time to answer, man <3

 

[Trains]

agreed man

I'm on medication, so don't worry about that

I was on CBT for years and it did fucking wonders for me, but I stopped going because a majority of my symptoms went away and it was fucking amazing
(therapy works guys, it just takes time!)

I might start therapy again. lately i've just been stubborn and unwilling, which is another issue of mine

thanks for taking your time to answer, man <3

im sorry for thinking you meant cock and ball torture at first

but yes on a serious note, i think it'd be good for you dude. although i've never had it, therapy worked absolute fucking wonders on my younger brother who's unrecognisable to what he was this time a couple of years ago

i think its just about persistence

hope things work out for you brother x

 

[Deleted member 22]

going into fucking overdrive baby lost 104 pounds in the last year hardly anything left to go compared to the herculean task of losing 100 pounds

 

[Mute]

Lately my arms have been burning and in pain because of the amount of times I wash them, all the way up to the elbow

Go buy some moisturizer/lotion (if it doesnt bother you)

Unless you’re just rubbing them a shit ton its probably due to the water drying in the cold/dry winter air, plus all the oils and stuff you’re removing from your skin, happens every winter to me (mainly cause im just too lazy to dry them well) and my hands crack up like shit, putting on lotion helps

 

[Inaudible™]

Go buy some moisturizer/lotion (if it doesnt bother you)

Unless you’re just rubbing them a shit ton its probably due to the water drying in the cold/dry winter air, plus all the oils and stuff you’re removing from your skin, happens every winter to me (mainly cause im just too lazy to dry them well) and my hands crack up like shit, putting on lotion helps

gamer syndrome

 

[Clokr]

Digging up this old thread because I don't like confronting people directly about this shit
It feels like I'm putting a responsibility on them to answer my bullshit or something
And for some reason it's somewhat easier to just say it aloud, guess because I'm not implying any sort of obligation or on-the-spot shit on someone and just kinda talking to myself almost

I'm pretty open the fact that I have OCD, joke about a lot too because who cares shit's funny
But god damn it's been rough lately
I just can't control my obsessions anymore and often they intrude on me when I'm laying down, talking with my family, or anything really
This who past year with corona and everything has been hell since contamination and infection is one of my longest running obsessions
I find it increasingly terrible and horrifying to go outside and interact with anything that leaves my house
Lately my arms have been burning and in pain because of the amount of times I wash them, all the way up to the elbow
It's really easy to go days without leaving the house because of fear of what's out there. It's just all so much and it's not worth the anxiety of going out
even when I do go out I can spend up to an hour or more just cleaning myself, taking a shower, and changing my clothes all because they've interacted with the outside
Just tonight I must've spent upwards of an hour just washing my hands over and over again because they didn't feel clean

It's just all so much man. I miss being able to walk around and not be afraid of everything I touched. I used to be able to stand in a subway car packed shoulder to shoulder full of strangers and be fine, but now if my elbow bumps into the door as I go outside to pick up a food delivery I gotta clean myself and change my whole outfit

Been like this my whole life but can never get used to how much it sucks

I’m glad you’ve dug it back up honestly. I’ve made this thread with the idea of giving folks a space to sort of vent and say what’s been bugging them or going on without having to have others think negatively.

I sadly don’t really have much actual advice to give, but what I can say is try to enjoy the current as best you can. Focus on what you’re doing now and don’t give your demons a chance to derail you to a place you don’t wanna go.

It takes time, but eventually you will be able to come to terms with everything. Never stop trying to better yourself. Trust me man it will pay off eventually. No matter how much your brain tries to say you’ll forever be miserable.

Only as of recent have I been able to come to terms with all my shit. I’ve been able to actually have a few drinks and balance myself and know when enough pints are enough for me. I’ve stayed away from everything substance related and I’m finally starting to get back to work.

From the bottom to the top. And from the lowest low things can only get better with time.

 

[Dallas]

Mark Fisher understood modern depression better than anyone else - and that's why it killed him in the end.

https://theoccupiedtimes.org/?p=12841

"Each individual member of the subordinate class is encouraged into feeling that their poverty, lack of opportunities, or unemployment, is their fault and their fault alone. Individuals will blame themselves rather than social structures, which in any case they have been induced into believing do not really exist (they are just excuses, called upon by the weak). What Smail calls ‘magical voluntarism’ – the belief that it is within every individual’s power to make themselves whatever they want to be – is the dominant ideology and unofficial religion of contemporary capitalist society, pushed by reality TV ‘experts’ and business gurus as much as by politicians. Magical voluntarism is both an effect and a cause of the currently historically low level of class consciousness. It is the flipside of depression – whose underlying conviction is that we are all uniquely responsible for our own misery and therefore deserve it. A particularly vicious double bind is imposed on the long-term unemployed in the UK now: a population that has all its life been sent the message that it is good for nothing is simultaneously told that it can do anything it wants to do.

We must understand the fatalistic submission of the UK’s population to austerity as the consequence of a deliberately cultivated depression. This depression is manifested in the acceptance that things will get worse (for all but a small elite), that we are lucky to have a job at all (so we shouldn’t expect wages to keep pace with inflation), that we cannot afford the collective provision of the welfare state."

 

[Clokr]

Mark Fisher understood modern depression better than anyone else - and that's why it killed him in the end.

https://theoccupiedtimes.org/?p=12841

"Each individual member of the subordinate class is encouraged into feeling that their poverty, lack of opportunities, or unemployment, is their fault and their fault alone. Individuals will blame themselves rather than social structures, which in any case they have been induced into believing do not really exist (they are just excuses, called upon by the weak). What Smail calls ‘magical voluntarism’ – the belief that it is within every individual’s power to make themselves whatever they want to be – is the dominant ideology and unofficial religion of contemporary capitalist society, pushed by reality TV ‘experts’ and business gurus as much as by politicians. Magical voluntarism is both an effect and a cause of the currently historically low level of class consciousness. It is the flipside of depression – whose underlying conviction is that we are all uniquely responsible for our own misery and therefore deserve it. A particularly vicious double bind is imposed on the long-term unemployed in the UK now: a population that has all its life been sent the message that it is good for nothing is simultaneously told that it can do anything it wants to do.

We must understand the fatalistic submission of the UK’s population to austerity as the consequence of a deliberately cultivated depression. This depression is manifested in the acceptance that things will get worse (for all but a small elite), that we are lucky to have a job at all (so we shouldn’t expect wages to keep pace with inflation), that we cannot afford the collective provision of the welfare state."

Way too much big brain thinking for my tiny little smoothbrain to handle lmao. But I get the gist of what he was saying there, and he’s right.

I try less to understand the roots and more the person themself. My empathy and such is seriously a double edged sword that I tend to strike myself more at times then at depression or the like. I’ve always been for the person and I doubt that’ll change much in my life. I’ve always fought for the stranger I’ve never met yet I still feel a sort of subconscious relationship with them. Like I’ve met them before and can relate somehow or the other. Maybe my psychosis is just tricking my mind further, I dunno.

I understand but the basics of depression and what it can do to the human mind and body. Literally all I want is to simply help the other one struggling. To help them find their voice and raise them up back to their feet. It’s always been a feeling more intoxicating then the strongest drug I’ve ever taken. Am I simply selfish? Or am I way too selfless that I’ve failed to recognize I’ve been destroying myself?

Damn you dallas you’ve got me questioning life again

 

[Deleted member 22]

Mark Fisher understood modern depression better than anyone else - and that's why it killed him in the end.

https://theoccupiedtimes.org/?p=12841

"Each individual member of the subordinate class is encouraged into feeling that their poverty, lack of opportunities, or unemployment, is their fault and their fault alone. Individuals will blame themselves rather than social structures, which in any case they have been induced into believing do not really exist (they are just excuses, called upon by the weak). What Smail calls ‘magical voluntarism’ – the belief that it is within every individual’s power to make themselves whatever they want to be – is the dominant ideology and unofficial religion of contemporary capitalist society, pushed by reality TV ‘experts’ and business gurus as much as by politicians. Magical voluntarism is both an effect and a cause of the currently historically low level of class consciousness. It is the flipside of depression – whose underlying conviction is that we are all uniquely responsible for our own misery and therefore deserve it. A particularly vicious double bind is imposed on the long-term unemployed in the UK now: a population that has all its life been sent the message that it is good for nothing is simultaneously told that it can do anything it wants to do.

We must understand the fatalistic submission of the UK’s population to austerity as the consequence of a deliberately cultivated depression. This depression is manifested in the acceptance that things will get worse (for all but a small elite), that we are lucky to have a job at all (so we shouldn’t expect wages to keep pace with inflation), that we cannot afford the collective provision of the welfare state."

god they are literally me