Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Señor Jaggles]

your self esteem is definitely a very large part of your psychological well-being, both as far as relationships go and your idea of self-worth. defo think a psychologist is a good place to start.

It seems like the only viable option, not so long I was basically a broken kid that had gone through a whole load of shit and had gotten himself into another big load of shit - I am 150% sure that I am here today because of the people I had around me, because my idea of self-worth is close to null at this point and even I notice at times whenever it is put to test and I realize how meaningless it is for me in my actions.

 

[mert]

day 3 of nicotine withdrawal

i feel hungover and confused i wish i could shit as well

 

[Deleted member 22]

I've got some sort of really underdiagnosed neurological disorder that barely anyone seems to know exists or is diagnosed with, won't go into what it is specifically but tldr a lot of visual spatial issues, some minor social connection issues (unintentionally overshare, talk a lot) , sort of sucks but sort of doesn't, just hate feeling like there's something off about me

 

[Deleted member 5367]

Spite cycled 20 miles in like 20 degree weather yesterday felt good

Down 100 pounds only a tad bit of excess shit to go will be off my summer eating great

Here's a photo of breakfast

a breakfast of champions

 

[Johnny B. Goode]

It seems like the only viable option, not so long I was basically a broken kid that had gone through a whole load of shit and had gotten himself into another big load of shit - I am 150% sure that I am here today because of the people I had around me, because my idea of self-worth is close to null at this point and even I notice at times whenever it is put to test and I realize how meaningless it is for me in my actions.

This goes to everyone in this thread, not just yourself. I'm probably gonna get some flak for this, but Evangelion actually helped me realise a lot of the reasoning as to why I'm so happy-go-lucky most of the time and not really bothered by much; hence me not really struggling a great deal with mental health. I usually find myself reflecting on a lot of things I've done and changing myself because of it, and it's because of this one quote;

"The only person who can sympathise with you and understand you is you. So be good to yourself."

There comes no sense to constantly beating yourself up for your shortcomings. There comes no sense to sitting around playing a violin to yourself. If you are constantly belittling yourself and making yourself feel worthless through your own words, you'll never improve your mindset. If you're saying you have no self worth or confidence, you'll end up believing it.

You have to be kind to yourself. You have to understand that you're the one living your life. Nobody else is watching you from a third person perspective 24/7 and judging your every move. It's important to do whatever makes you happy! Too many times people identify they have a problem and just accept it's their fault and make no effort to change it or rectify the issue. Don't be like that, it's no way to go through life.

 

[Sil]

Just wanna say, I'm genuinely really proud of all of you for getting this far.

Your progress absolutely matters, and the fact that you're putting in effort to seek help with it is proof that you're on the right track.

If you ever need any advice or support, I'll always be here to help. Like when @Blackquill did for me.

 

[Ond]

>Got trained at the garrison I wanted to return to
>Did a 3 month long bullshit national assignment with police, got big bucks and taught myself German again
>Walked away from shitty personality gf
>Got a new apartment in the center of a city
>Finished biohazard work without getting infected with Covid, despite being in direct contact with four infected people, earning big bucks there too
>Finished and passed my specialization course with flying colours
>Finished and passed my C license with flying colours
>Called the place I've wanted to work at since day 1, talked to the guy in charge of hiring and the people I knew there
>Got told to send an email with my info and experience, did so and got headhunted for the spot 5 days later
>Went out the same weekend and bought a brand new car with the aforementioned big bucks
>Said place has vaccines ready for all employees
>Starting new big bucks dream job on Tuesday next week

We're all gonna make it, bros. The sky is the limit if you put in the work and aim high. This is going to be a great year, I already know it​

 

[deathwolf]

>Got trained at the garrison I wanted to return to
>Did a 3 month long bullshit national assignment with police, got big bucks and taught myself German again
>Walked away from shitty personality gf
>Got a new apartment in the center of a city
>Finished biohazard work without getting infected with Covid, despite being in direct contact with four infected people, earning big bucks there too
>Finished and passed my specialization course with flying colours
>Finished and passed my C license with flying colours
>Called the place I've wanted to work at since day 1, talked to the guy in charge of hiring and the people I knew there
>Got told to send an email with my info and experience, did so and got headhunted for the spot 5 days later
>Went out the same weekend and bought a brand new car with the aforementioned big bucks
>Said place has vaccines ready for all employees
>Starting new big bucks dream job on Tuesday next week

We're all gonna make it, bros. The sky is the limit if you put in the work and aim high. This is going to be a great year, I already know it​

what job, may I ask?

 

[Ond]

what job, may I ask?

Can't really say without giving away my workplace

Foreign affairs and communications is about as vague as I can make it

 

[Jacksquare]

he's a hitman

 

[Ond]

day 3 of nicotine withdrawal

i feel hungover and confused i wish i could shit as well

don't worry, we're all gonna make it

quit cold turkey 1 year ago and never felt better

 

[john]

I achieved my first (since I started again) runners high today after a good while of staying on a high intensity cardio routine and that shit was bliss. I'd like to thank my genes and body for an extremely intensive endorphin production that's made me feel very good throughout my life.

 

[Mute]

I achieved my first (since I started again) runners high today after a good while of staying on a high intensity cardio routine and that shit was bliss. I'd like to thank my genes and body for an extremely intensive endorphin production that's made me feel very good throughout my life.

this dudes getting off to jogging

 

[Deleted member 22]

this dudes getting off to jogging

Why do you think I bike 20 miles???

Let him enjoy the craft

 

[Inaudible™]

this dudes getting off to jogging

He's married to the grind.

 

[Mute]

ok i dont know how to start this but i wrote a huge ass rant that didnt go anywhere so im rewriting it

i just have this feeling that somethings wrong with me and its been growing stronger and its eating away at me and i wanna bash my head in the microwave door at this point so i gotta get it out before i go to bed

im not a fan of self-diagnosis, its stupid but a lot of the shit i experience/do kinda seems to point towards adhd

i could probably write a 6 page post about it, but its actually killing me

i want to apply myself, i wanna do cool things, i wanna fucking do ANYTHING but my brain just completely stops me from doing it

from learning, reading a book, fucking eating, learning a new hobby, to even fucking basic hygiene at times i feel like i cant do it

my brain just kinda stops me from it, im sitting in my bed while a thousand bells and alarms go off telling me to do this thing and i cant bring myself to do it, something that takes like five minutes. I genuinely dont know if im lazy or i just procrastinate or if i have no discipline but i can only express this in caveman grunts and i cant put it well in text

so many times ive been told by so many people from family to teachers that im lazy but can actually do stuff when i put my mind to it but they dont really get that me doing that one thing was an almost 2 week long fiasco of trying to get myself to do it until it was the final day and i went into panic mode and then spent half that day trying to coax myself out of bed to do it

i want to get into a hobby/idea or i get interested in some form of media i find fun and i spend the next week completely overthinking and fantasizing about it, watching every video i can find about it, reading every single piece of info i can look up, ive had trouble falling asleep thinking about making a fucking gmod map a few months ago where i stayed up until like 9am thinking about it until i finally managed to calm my brain down enough to go to bed, and its kinda what made me make this thread in the first place cause it fucking happened again yesterday/today albeit not as bad

Ive started so much projects/hobbies that went nowhere its depressing

and that eventually leads to burnout/overexhaustion, i forget about everything, lose interest in it and dont wanna touch it, repeat in a few weeks

I have so much trouble with memory as well, i forget simple things and cant memorize anything, i have to constantly re-read pages and paragraphs cause all that info goes in and out right away, its so excruciatingly painful to have to study when i actually manage to convince myself to do it cause i cant fucking learn anything, my grades are suffering and have been suffering due to this for so long and ive fucked myself over so hard and its why ive been looking into this so hard cause i want it to change, and i want to genuinely be able to do well in what will be my final year of school and eventually college

basic hygiene gets difficult at times, throw your funny jokes my way but doing anything like taking a shower takes me a day of convincing to do it where i try to find any excuse not to and if i miss any mark in my planning it gets delayed, brushing my teeth is a two hour long endeavor that eventually happens cause my phone dies or i realize ive been sitting on the throne for the past hour and 37 minutes and now its 1am and i wanted to go to bed 3 hours ago but wanted to brush my teeth first

i lose my train of thought so much times, i cant even focus on doing multiple things at once, things need to be so precisely laid out before me if you want me to do something cause otherwise id fuck it up/forget something

not to mention a dozen other things but this post is getitng long at this point

im gonna be honest- i dont know if anythings actually wrong with me or if im desperately looking for an excuse for laziness/procrastination/lack of discipline

im not an open guy, i cant express my feelings well in real life, people have told me so many times to open up but i want to get help for this or try to talk to someone about it but i just cant

feel like itd either be dismissed or if i do go through with anything itll turn out theres nothing, or that id be treated differentely

idk, didnt want this to turn into a rant but it sort of did, im probably gonna regret posting this in the future like i do with my previous posts but thats it

 

[john]

ok i dont know how to start this but i wrote a huge ass rant that didnt go anywhere so im rewriting it

i just have this feeling that somethings wrong with me and its been growing stronger and its eating away at me and i wanna bash my head in the microwave door at this point so i gotta get it out before i go to bed

im not a fan of self-diagnosis, its stupid but a lot of the shit i experience/do kinda seems to point towards adhd

i could probably write a 6 page post about it, but its actually killing me

i want to apply myself, i wanna do cool things, i wanna fucking do ANYTHING but my brain just completely stops me from doing it

from learning, reading a book, fucking eating, learning a new hobby, to even fucking basic hygiene at times i feel like i cant do it

my brain just kinda stops me from it, im sitting in my bed while a thousand bells and alarms go off telling me to do this thing and i cant bring myself to do it, something that takes like five minutes. I genuinely dont know if im lazy or i just procrastinate or if i have no discipline but i can only express this in caveman grunts and i cant put it well in text

so many times ive been told by so many people from family to teachers that im lazy but can actually do stuff when i put my mind to it but they dont really get that me doing that one thing was an almost 2 week long fiasco of trying to get myself to do it until it was the final day and i went into panic mode and then spent half that day trying to coax myself out of bed to do it

i want to get into a hobby/idea or i get interested in some form of media i find fun and i spend the next week completely overthinking and fantasizing about it, watching every video i can find about it, reading every single piece of info i can look up, ive had trouble falling asleep thinking about making a fucking gmod map a few months ago where i stayed up until like 9am thinking about it until i finally managed to calm my brain down enough to go to bed, and its kinda what made me make this thread in the first place cause it fucking happened again yesterday/today albeit not as bad

Ive started so much projects/hobbies that went nowhere its depressing

and that eventually leads to burnout/overexhaustion, i forget about everything, lose interest in it and dont wanna touch it, repeat in a few weeks

I have so much trouble with memory as well, i forget simple things and cant memorize anything, i have to constantly re-read pages and paragraphs cause all that info goes in and out right away, its so excruciatingly painful to have to study when i actually manage to convince myself to do it cause i cant fucking learn anything, my grades are suffering and have been suffering due to this for so long and ive fucked myself over so hard and its why ive been looking into this so hard cause i want it to change, and i want to genuinely be able to do well in what will be my final year of school and eventually college

basic hygiene gets difficult at times, throw your funny jokes my way but doing anything like taking a shower takes me a day of convincing to do it where i try to find any excuse not to and if i miss any mark in my planning it gets delayed, brushing my teeth is a two hour long endeavor that eventually happens cause my phone dies or i realize ive been sitting on the throne for the past hour and 37 minutes and now its 1am and i wanted to go to bed 3 hours ago but wanted to brush my teeth first

i lose my train of thought so much times, i cant even focus on doing multiple things at once, things need to be so precisely laid out before me if you want me to do something cause otherwise id fuck it up/forget something

not to mention a dozen other things but this post is getitng long at this point

im gonna be honest- i dont know if anythings actually wrong with me or if im desperately looking for an excuse for laziness/procrastination/lack of discipline

im not an open guy, i cant express my feelings well in real life, people have told me so many times to open up but i want to get help for this or try to talk to someone about it but i just cant

feel like itd either be dismissed or if i do go through with anything itll turn out theres nothing, or that id be treated differentely

idk, didnt want this to turn into a rant but it sort of did, im probably gonna regret posting this in the future like i do with my previous posts but thats it

make a strict daily schedule and do stuff on the mark at exact hours until they become habits and you don't have to put any extra thought to them. easy enough to say given your predicament i suppose so i think it's worth going to a psychologist and looking into a potential diagnosis or a way to deal with obsessions / lack of focus in a productive way, it's not uncommon to get medicated for that kind of thing, especially the latter.

the first step is always reaching out and recognizing your issues and you've put them to paper, you just need to feed the same thing to a professional. if they go "no lol you're just lazy" (which they probably wont because you've got a bunch of common patterns for adhd in here) then they'll still give you the goahead you need to start thinking into alternatives beyond what they can work with you on.

 

[Mute]

make a strict daily schedule and do stuff on the mark at exact hours until they become habits and you don't have to put any extra thought to them

lol i wish that worked but ive probably spent more time making schedules/plans than i have executing them

again i can make plans for that specific hour but it usually ends up in me delaying it cause “oh now its 1:02 im just gonna push it back to 1:30 and start there” and do that again and again, i wanted to go running yesterday but i somehow missed my alarm by like an hour and just decided to not do it cause it was too late now

even then it feels impossible to start cause i always seem to search for some distraction or have something else i need to do before i can star

ive been trying to at least for minor shit like just making my bed or folding my clothes or keeping my desk semi-organized

easy enough to say given your predicament i suppose so i think it's worth going to a psychologist and looking into a potential diagnosis or a way to deal with obsessions / lack of focus in a productive way, it's not uncommon to get medicated for that kind of thing, especially the latter.

the first step is always reaching out and recognizing your issues and you've put them to paper, you just need to feed the same thing to a professional. if they go "no lol you're just lazy" (which they probably wont because you've got a bunch of common patterns for adhd in here) then they'll still give you the goahead you need to start thinking into alternatives beyond what they can work with you on.

im not sure how good the mental health system is in macedonia so ive been reluctant to talk about it

our hospitals are practically falling apart cause the budget goes into the pockets of politicians and directors instead, they barely have any funding and most of its probably going into Covid right now

Private psychiatrists are an option but are probably expensive as hell so im unsure if i can even afford to do so right now

and like i said its way easier to put my thoughts on here on text when i get to format it and think about it for an hour than it is to talk to someone about it, im just not an open person the idea of actually talking to someone about this is impossible to me and i dont even know where to start, and i have a big feeling that it’ll be dismissed by my own family

maybe i should, ive wanted to for ages now

i know its been an issue for ages cause i remember being taken to a homeopathic doc by my parents about it (i know its not a thing now but that was like 6-7 years ago) to i guess get me to focus more? didnt work obviously but there may be a chance

 

[Zack]

Right, posting is something I do not do, and I take this as a rare thing. I view forums fairly much but that goes to this entire thread itself; I am beyond fucked when it comes to talking with too many people or new people, same goes for forums. I have played Nebulous.cloud since 2018 with my friends and from that time I really enjoyed and still enjoy this server but was never active on forums for unknown reasons. I find it hard to talk to others; I find it hard to talk to other communities. I grew up just being shy but in a worse way. I just can't find it in me to talk to others publicly and well... This is a start for what I can say. Nebulous has actually shaped my life a lot because of the harsh reality I was born in. I'm trying to overcome any worry I currently have with meeting newer people. Even if I am yet to meet any of you in-game, I have this odd feeling of happiness reading this thread.

 

[john]

lol i wish that worked but ive probably spent more time making schedules/plans than i have executing them

again i can make plans for that specific hour but it usually ends up in me delaying it cause “oh now its 1:02 im just gonna push it back to 1:30 and start there” and do that again and again, i wanted to go running yesterday but i somehow missed my alarm by like an hour and just decided to not do it cause it was too late now

even then it feels impossible to start cause i always seem to search for some distraction or have something else i need to do before i can star

ive been trying to at least for minor shit like just making my bed or folding my clothes or keeping my desk semi-organized


im not sure how good the mental health system is in macedonia so ive been reluctant to talk about it

our hospitals are practically falling apart cause the budget goes into the pockets of politicians and directors instead, they barely have any funding and most of its probably going into Covid right now

Private psychiatrists are an option but are probably expensive as hell so im unsure if i can even afford to do so right now

and like i said its way easier to put my thoughts on here on text when i get to format it and think about it for an hour than it is to talk to someone about it, im just not an open person the idea of actually talking to someone about this is impossible to me and i dont even know where to start, and i have a big feeling that it’ll be dismissed by my own family

maybe i should, ive wanted to for ages now

i know its been an issue for ages cause i remember being taken to a homeopathic doc by my parents about it (i know its not a thing now but that was like 6-7 years ago) to i guess get me to focus more? didnt work obviously but there may be a chance

i obviously dont know about your money situation so i cant comment on what would work or be affordable for you. i also dont know about macedonian healthcare but I do know that you guys have access to the standard ADHD medicine that might help with a lot of focus related problems. im not saying medication is the first step but if the accessibility is there im sure the proper medical evaluation will be too - along with the standard want to go down few other routes before they take it there, if they even do.

it's a hard time for everyone with covid but even online counseling is available in most countries, which might be easier for you given what you've described before.

i'd like to comment on this too

and like i said its way easier to put my thoughts on here on text when i get to format it and think about it for an hour than it is to talk to someone about it

a lot of people struggle with this, but the fact you've even put it to words is great, if it helps you can print a paper out and bring it with you, recite something akin to what you've said here or just rehearse what you're going to say. a psychologist is not gonna judge you, their job is to listen.

wish you the absolute best of luck man