usually i don't voice shit like this because in all honesty i very rarely have to
cancer really does make you realise a lot of things, im sure that's a line you've all heard a thousand times but you really don't understand the extent of it until you live it
i dont care if the cancer comes back; fuck it, let it - i'll send it back to the depths of hell like i did the first time, i really couldn't give a flying fuck. i'm not scared of it coming back, i rarely think about it
but yknow what actually made me cry not 10 minutes ago, out of all things? my dogs.
if the cancer were to come back and it did kill me, they wouldn't know what happened. no one can tell them that this is the last time they're going to see me, no one can tell them that they can't just wait by the door like they always do, no one can tell them that they wont ever get to lay in bed with me at night ever again
it fucking astounds me that the one thing that
actually manages to break me in all of it is that. i didnt cry when i found out, didnt cry while i was dealing with it, i didnt cry afterward; but when i'm faced with the proposition that my dogs wouldnt know i'm not coming home, it fucking does me in straight away
fuck cancer if it thinks its gonna win, fuck cancer if it thinks its gonna take me away from my babies or anyone else
if it ever does decide to come back i'm gonna fight to my last fucking breath and it isn't gonna win
these two faces are my fuel and fuck whatever thinks it can take me away from them