Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Rabid]

depends entirely how you hug them and how you talk to them

anything below the ribcage is romantic, anything above is platonic (imo)

What if you grasp someone by the toes

 

[Deleted member 22]

Whatsup pal?

There's a lot of stuff I do unintentionally and out of habit that makes me dislike myself and to some extent probably doesn't help me make any friends . Others call out some of these unintentional things, ride me for it, I end up in private on the side of the people ridiculing me and hating myself even more because i see them as being the only honest people with me

On top of it all I don't see much I'm looking forward to anymore, I feel fully alienated from others in a way that's not their fault at all but my own, I just generally don't feel like I have any ideas or places or people I belong to and with, I could vanish from any given space tommorow and the most that would happen is an acquaintance might wonder in the back of their head where that dude went but beyond that nothing

I'm in essence a drifter by compulsion, I stay to the margins because I'm not wanted elsewhere, or at least I view it that way and it fullfils itself

 

[Rabid]

There's a lot of stuff I do unintentionally and out of habit that makes me dislike myself and to some extent probably doesn't help me make any friends . Others call out some of these unintentional things, ride me for it, I end up in private on the side of the people ridiculing me and hating myself even more because i see them as being the only honest people with me

On top of it all I don't see much I'm looking forward to anymore, I feel fully alienated from others in a way that's not their fault at all but my own, I just generally don't feel like I have any ideas or places or people I belong to and with, I could vanish from any given space tommorow and the most that would happen is an acquaintance might wonder in the back of their head where that dude went but beyond that nothing

I'm in essence a drifter by compulsion, I stay to the margins because I'm not wanted elsewhere, or at least I view it that way and it fullfils itself

You're not at all a bad guy, Snowl. You just make impulsive and silly decisions sometimes is all.

 

[Deleted member 22]

You're not at all a bad guy, Snowl. You just make impulsive and silly decisions sometimes is all.

I do yeah. God it sucks feeling alone 24/7 and just being by yourself, feels like that even when I'm with the few friends I've got left. I'd like there to be a point in time where if someone is asked if they were friends with me or knew me intimately or anything along those lines they'd say so and have fond memories of me, at this rate it's unlikely. Would just be ridicule

Don't have much a lot of you guys have and don't realize, things like siblings who want to speak to you/acknowledge you exist, cohesive family units where you do gatherings, have family members who care about you (cousins, grandparents etc) and vice versa, stupid social shit, your health, buddies who check up on you and want you involved in their lives, all of it. Don't take it for granted.

Sorry for dump, don't journal things I usually let it pressure cook in my head for weeks then sometimes just stream of consciousness it to a random audience in text, feels like how I imagine confessional booths are

 

[Deleted member 930]

I do yeah. God it sucks feeling alone 24/7 and just being by yourself, feels like that even when I'm with the few friends I've got left. I'd like there to be a point in time where if someone is asked if they were friends with me or knew me intimately or anything along those lines they'd say so and have fond memories of me, at this rate it's unlikely. Would just be ridicule

Don't have much a lot of you guys have and don't realize, things like siblings who want to speak to you/acknowledge you exist, cohesive family units where you do gatherings, have family members who care about you (cousins, grandparents etc) and vice versa, stupid social shit, your health, buddies who check up on you and want you involved in their lives, all of it. Don't take it for granted.

Sorry for dump, don't journal things I usually let it pressure cook in my head for weeks then sometimes just stream of consciousness it to a random audience in text, feels like how I imagine confessional booths are

It's better to vent all these things out rather letting it knaw at you. Even if it's on a Internet Forum.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I do yeah. God it sucks feeling alone 24/7 and just being by yourself, feels like that even when I'm with the few friends I've got left. I'd like there to be a point in time where if someone is asked if they were friends with me or knew me intimately or anything along those lines they'd say so and have fond memories of me, at this rate it's unlikely. Would just be ridicule

Don't have much a lot of you guys have and don't realize, things like siblings who want to speak to you/acknowledge you exist, cohesive family units where you do gatherings, have family members who care about you (cousins, grandparents etc) and vice versa, stupid social shit, your health, buddies who check up on you and want you involved in their lives, all of it. Don't take it for granted.

Sorry for dump, don't journal things I usually let it pressure cook in my head for weeks then sometimes just stream of consciousness it to a random audience in text, feels like how I imagine confessional booths are

And come Christmas and New Years, you feel more alone than ever.

Somedays, if not many days, you look back into the past where you acted irrationally, and find yourself struggling in an endless thought loop of hopelessness, and guilt, but all you wanted was good.

A man's greatest battles are the ones he fights within himself, and perhaps the war is never to be won, but you can sure as hell fight for your betterment everyday.

You sound like an innocent chap who simply wants good company, and emotional intimacy, but get too hard on yourself when you make mistakes. It's easy to become hard on yourself when the mistakes we make are the ones that should already be known to be bad, but for some of us it takes a while for it to sink in, and it doesn't make you any worse of a chap, sometimes we just don't know better. We're young brother man, I assume you're in your 20s, or about to hit them. Life is not as easy as we thought it would, it's an endless class full of ups and downs, but we learn, grow, and we take those lessons with us to all facets of our life. It's better to accept things for how they are, and focus on the things you can control, which are your choices. Don't strive to be wanted, don't look to be accepted, and don't dwell on your circumstances, but strive to be a good human being to other to people.

 

[GreyRuns]

By no means am I doing this to try and grab sympathy, attention, or boost my ego. I am doing this because I feel like people need to see it. With anyone having trouble with things that aren’t exactly visible. Like most commonly depression and anxiety.

I respect this a lot. I am on the spectrum, diagnosed with Aspergers. Couple that with the absolute shit childhood I had- my social skillset is pretty low. Sometimes I get cues right, sometimes I respond inappropriately to a cue. When I screw up, I don't wave the "oh I have daddy problems" or the "oh I have ASD" cards. To me, you will not become a functionary in society if you live your life as a continuous victim. So instead, I am open to being held accountable for my actions and learning what I can do to be better.

 

[Mute]

snip

 

[Zeenz]

-

 

[Mute]

I know I usually post my 5 a.m. borderline mental breakdown rants on here but I thought I'd share a good day I had which is kinda rare nowadays

Went to school, kinda was shitty but whatever was gonna meet up after it to eat a burrito with my friends at a mexican place
The burrito was so fucking good dude can't describe it its amazing and we got some complementary rice pudding and lemonade cause its cinco de mayo

Walked around and there were like two public concerts going on so we stood around and listened to some music

Got suddenly hit by a depressive wave or whatever so I sorta shut down, start heading home with my friend cause we share the same route but on opposite sides, she decided to head with me and then go back to the opposite side but when I reached my stop I just decided to do a full loop and come back around to have a bit more time to talk a bit more about random shit

Reach the end and get kicked off by the bus driver cause hes supposed to head back to the depot, next bus is in an hour. Fuck.

Whatever I'll wait, my friend decides to join me while doing so, like 15-20 minutes in a girl thats like a few years older than us walks up and calls a cab, overhears us and straight up says: "I'm having a shitty day, just come with me so I can like do something good I'll drop you off since I fucking hate this route and curse it and I've had to deal with it for years."

Initially denied but she was adamant so whatever, friend says goodbye and taxi arrives and we get in. She was really nice, was apparantley she's finishing up college where she was studying graphics design, she knows how shitty is to be without money and have to wait hours for a fucking bus so she decided to help out after she heard us.

Just kinda talked for a bit, refused anything I offered (not like I had much I had 30 denars on me which is the equivalent of 50 US cents lmao), she told me "Let me do something good and help, let's just help eachother it's the least we could do as people."

I get off and we part ways, those words stuck with me a lot. I turned the corner and decided to just pay it forward in some way and gave the cash to a panhandler, spoke with him for a bit about the situation, it was nice, hope it helped him in some way not like I had much use for it.


Feel really bad that I won't be able to repay her, I really wish I could properly thank her, never even exchanged names and I'll prob never see her again, but I hope everything fucking works out for her she's genuinely one of the nicest people I've met, you know when you talk to someone and your day's just instantly better? It was kinda like that

 

[avralwobniar]

I know I usually post my 5 a.m. borderline mental breakdown rants on here but I thought I'd share a good day I had which is kinda rare nowadays

Went to school, kinda was shitty but whatever was gonna meet up after it to eat a burrito with my friends at a mexican place
The burrito was so fucking good dude can't describe it its amazing and we got some complementary rice pudding and lemonade cause its cinco de mayo

Walked around and there were like two public concerts going on so we stood around and listened to some music

Got suddenly hit by a depressive wave or whatever so I sorta shut down, start heading home with my friend cause we share the same route but on opposite sides, she decided to head with me and then go back to the opposite side but when I reached my stop I just decided to do a full loop and come back around to have a bit more time to talk a bit more about random shit

Reach the end and get kicked off by the bus driver cause hes supposed to head back to the depot, next bus is in an hour. Fuck.

Whatever I'll wait, my friend decides to join me while doing so, like 15-20 minutes in a girl thats like a few years older than us walks up and calls a cab, overhears us and straight up says: "I'm having a shitty day, just come with me so I can like do something good I'll drop you off since I fucking hate this route and curse it and I've had to deal with it for years."

Initially denied but she was adamant so whatever, friend says goodbye and taxi arrives and we get in. She was really nice, was apparantley she's finishing up college where she was studying graphics design, she knows how shitty is to be without money and have to wait hours for a fucking bus so she decided to help out after she heard us.

Just kinda talked for a bit, refused anything I offered (not like I had much I had 30 denars on me which is the equivalent of 50 US cents lmao), she told me "Let me do something good and help, let's just help eachother it's the least we could do as people."

I get off and we part ways, those words stuck with me a lot. I turned the corner and decided to just pay it forward in some way and gave the cash to a panhandler, spoke with him for a bit about the situation, it was nice, hope it helped him in some way not like I had much use for it.


Feel really bad that I won't be able to repay her, I really wish I could properly thank her, never even exchanged names and I'll prob never see her again, but I hope everything fucking works out for her she's genuinely one of the nicest people I've met, you know when you talk to someone and your day's just instantly better? It was kinda like that

situation went from an L to a W real quick
I dont really believe in karma, but participating in a pay it forward chain has to earn you some life points or something somewhere

 

[Zeenz]

Just got hit by that random rush of hope shit. Gonna try get back on the sleeping pills and get some sort of routine back into life. God knows I need it.

 

[FreeSpy]

so today i went out with my girlfriend (for the first time, yes, started online, became real. we live in the same city) and honestly it was probably the best thing that could've happened to me in a while. i'm a bit flabberghasted still after a few hours and i still can't find words to describe it properly. the only thing that happened is we walked around for a while, but i really really enjoyed it and honestly im just kinda sad im not going out tmr hahah

i managed to get an outing during a really stressful time. with work stuff (family stuff really) cracking down and some big medical problems for one of my family members this was... actually really refreshing for me.

 

[Garlic slut]

I am completely unhinged. My own lack of identity and self have left me a shell latching onto things trying to cobble together a person when there is nothing left to use. I feel like a bystander in my own life most of time, constantly left to wander the world living as background in someone else's story. Most times I feel cold and alone in the vast darkness of the universe, alone and forgotten about. I have no skills or talents that make me useful. Im left feeling like nothing more than a tumor on society, best cut out and discarded. My own existence feels week and pathetic, everyday feeling like im groveling at god's feet, begging for mercy and freedom from this miserable hell.

 

[FreeSpy]

frequent flyer over on neb's well being thread


Dread.

An emotion which comes once in a while. especially when i look at a close family member of mine who i know aren't well. a sense of uncertainty which brings dread comes, because i am unable to control the outcome of certain things within my life. it's the scariest combo of emotions i believe any human can experience, because it is long term, it is not something that just goes away and never comes back - it may go away, it may come back, no one knows. your whole mood can be ruined because of it.

i'm uncertain if this person will pass. i'm scared to go to sleep some nights because i know that when i wake up this person could be gone. i will avoid describing a lot of the issues as i'm still trying to grasp them... but a heart attack risk and the inability to walk make me very... very fucking sad, and very scared for what's to come in the future


it does not help feeling frustrated and grasping at whatever straws i have in my life right now - i lost weight, i am looking better than ever, i felt like i would break from the slightest shove emotions wise, and i still sort of feel like that.

i don't know what'll happen. it makes me frustrated and scared, and i am scared that i am not in control of the situation, and what makes it worse, i can't get control of it, since none of these things that affect me are actually my doing, atleast not all of them.

i'm a spectator, like i am watching a netflix show and the characters are my family, and i can't turn it off to take a breather.. it just keeps going, and i can't change anything of what is to come, and i have a gut feeling fate already decided some things, and it's fucking shit

 

[FreeSpy]

Short update

She broke up with me. Reasons I will not go into, but i asked her earlier yesterday if she wants a break, she said yeah, and she comes later at around 8pm and asks to break up.

didn't sting as much honestly. i cried about the thought of losing someone in my life when we started the relationship, and now that it actually happened i didn't feel much. i just said okay and let it go

helps having other things to worry about

 

[Deleted member 22]

Feel the loneliest I've felt in my entire life. Don't have anyone I can talk to or play games with or laugh at things with. Just feel like an outsider to everything, don't know where it went wrong. Have nowhere to express myself anymore. No one to listen or relate to. Tried everything but something about me is flawed and no one can tolerate me. I can't either. Wish I still had friends.

 

[Sil]

Feel the loneliest I've felt in my entire life. Don't have anyone I can talk to or play games with or laugh at things with. Just feel like an outsider to everything, don't know where it went wrong. Have nowhere to express myself anymore. No one to listen or relate to. Tried everything but something about me is flawed and no one can tolerate me. I can't either. Wish I still had friends.

Hey man, I think you're cool. You're a smart guy who's got a knack for making awesome events; being different from the rest doesn't make you any less. If you ever just wanna chat shit into the void, you can message me any time my dude :)

 

[FreeSpy]

Feel the loneliest I've felt in my entire life. Don't have anyone I can talk to or play games with or laugh at things with. Just feel like an outsider to everything, don't know where it went wrong. Have nowhere to express myself anymore. No one to listen or relate to. Tried everything but something about me is flawed and no one can tolerate me. I can't either. Wish I still had friends.

I know the feeling. It fucking sucks.

This summer is the loneliest I've been. I've went out with friends a couple times but when my girlfriend broke up with me I didn't use my phone for 2 days straight and I missed nothing. I talk with guys online but when they're not around I just don't really know who to talk to, what to do, et ecetera. It sucks.

I do not know how to fix it.

 

[Trains]

Feel the loneliest I've felt in my entire life. Don't have anyone I can talk to or play games with or laugh at things with. Just feel like an outsider to everything, don't know where it went wrong. Have nowhere to express myself anymore. No one to listen or relate to. Tried everything but something about me is flawed and no one can tolerate me. I can't either. Wish I still had friends.

open your discord to friend requests rq