Serious Medical/Mental Illness. Or a general well being thread

[Deleted member 22]

Today, this evening, my aunt passed away.

I cared a lot about her. She was always kind. Such a sweet soul.

She was there when I was born. Held me when I came to be.

And I was not there before she went.

I wanted to be there. The doctors said she had time. I believed I could see her, one last time.

We all knew the inevitable was going to happen.

But I didn't get the chance. I was scared.

Scared to see her in that state, scared to see her pass on.


I feel awful. Anguished. She had me in her mind, she always did.

And I didn't show.

She went away, peacefully in a coma. Alas, she didn't know she didn't die alone.

Rest in peace, my beloved aunt. We'll meet again, hopefully somewhere nice in the ether. Keep a seat warm for me.

Genuinely sorry to hear this. My condolences.

 

[Jeffy]

Today, this evening, my aunt passed away.

I cared a lot about her. She was always kind. Such a sweet soul.

She was there when I was born. Held me when I came to be.

And I was not there before she went.

I wanted to be there. The doctors said she had time. I believed I could see her, one last time.

We all knew the inevitable was going to happen.

But I didn't get the chance. I was scared.

Scared to see her in that state, scared to see her pass on.


I feel awful. Anguished. She had me in her mind, she always did.

And I didn't show.

She went away, peacefully in a coma. Alas, she didn't know she didn't die alone.

Rest in peace, my beloved aunt. We'll meet again, hopefully somewhere nice in the ether. Keep a seat warm for me.

All my thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

 

[Zeenz]

With my insomnia getting worse and that sinking feeling of being alone but not alone is ever present, I decided to look inwards. I took up journaling once more, of course a very self indulgent or private thing but I feel ok sharing here. As here I am just a name, not a face. Its nothing fancy of course, most of it is random tangents and what I wish to do for the day. But it helps my racing mind to stop for a moment and take a breather. I suggest others do something similar, its a shame that throughout young-age it is constantly said "only girls have diaries" but its stupid, the only way to have a healthy relationship with someone, is to have a healthy relationship with yourself, and to do that is to look inwards.

Paper listens to your thoughts, people tend not to.

 

[Jeffy]

With my insomnia getting worse and that sinking feeling of being alone but not alone is ever present, I decided to look inwards. I took up journaling once more, of course a very self indulgent or private thing but I feel ok sharing here. As here I am just a name, not a face. Its nothing fancy of course, most of it is random tangents and what I wish to do for the day. But it helps my racing mind to stop for a moment and take a breather. I suggest others do something similar, its a shame that throughout young-age it is constantly said "only girls have diaries" but its stupid, the only way to have a healthy relationship with someone, is to have a healthy relationship with yourself, and to do that is to look inwards.

Paper listens to your thoughts, people tend not to.

But it’s good to have people that’ll listen as well, even if they necessarily can’t offer any solutions as long as they’re just there for you x

 

[Warwick]

With my insomnia getting worse and that sinking feeling of being alone but not alone is ever present, I decided to look inwards. I took up journaling once more, of course a very self indulgent or private thing but I feel ok sharing here. As here I am just a name, not a face. Its nothing fancy of course, most of it is random tangents and what I wish to do for the day. But it helps my racing mind to stop for a moment and take a breather. I suggest others do something similar, its a shame that throughout young-age it is constantly said "only girls have diaries" but its stupid, the only way to have a healthy relationship with someone, is to have a healthy relationship with yourself, and to do that is to look inwards.

Paper listens to your thoughts, people tend not to.

I have a very long and detailed history of insomnia. The best advice I can give anyone is: Make sure you see a doctor.

People don't realise how damaging a lack of sleep can be, but it's incredibly bad for you. Trust me. Seek medical assistance. Hypnotics might help in the short term, and therapy can help in the long term. Do what's right for you and your body. I know how hard it can be. If you have any questions about how I've dealt with mine over the last sixteen or so years, or just want to chat, drop me a message.

 

[Zeenz]

I have a very long and detailed history of insomnia. The best advice I can give anyone is: Make sure you see a doctor.

People don't realise how damaging a lack of sleep can be, but it's incredibly bad for you. Trust me. Seek medical assistance. Hypnotics might help in the short term, and therapy can help in the long term. Do what's right for you and your body. I know how hard it can be. If you have any questions about how I've dealt with mine over the last sixteen or so years, or just want to chat, drop me a message.

This year ain't so bad ngl, last year I had days where I went to sleep at 8pm, fell asleep at 5am. So far the worse I got is bed at 8, fell asleep 12am, so nothing bad but I can feel the pattern growing.

its more annoying when I go to bed, get a good amount of sleep in but still tired, or I over sleep and due to that I don't eat breakfast / lunch so most days I only eat like 1 meal a day and thats tea time due to Uni + sleep. Not good for my Gym gains ha ha.

 

[Warwick]

This year ain't so bad ngl, last year I had days where I went to sleep at 8pm, fell asleep at 5am. So far the worse I got is bed at 8, fell asleep 12am, so nothing bad but I can feel the pattern growing.

its more annoying when I go to bed, get a good amount of sleep in but still tired, or I over sleep and due to that I don't eat breakfast / lunch so most days I only eat like 1 meal a day and thats tea time due to Uni + sleep. Not good for my Gym gains ha ha.

I had a bout around a month ago where I was going two to three days without sleep. They had me on Zopiclone (Imovane) initially, which worked and knocked me out, but made me have extreme brain fog and occasional fugue states. Then they moved me onto Zolpidem (Ambien) which didn't do the job at all. The entire bout lasted about eighteen days, and during that time I'd say I got around 45 hours sleep apart from the occasional night or so where the drugs worked properly. It fucked my gym schedule over royally too. Because I was awake so much my BMR went up to like 2400 and I felt sick all the time so I wasn't eating. Lost 1stone 2lbs (7.25kg/16lbs) in 2 weeks.


I know the feeling mate; and if you ever just wanna chat about it, or are struggling, lemme know. Us non-sleepers gotta stick together.

 

[Mute]

hi

I still open the forums out of habit to scroll mindlessly for some reason (even though there isn't much to see nowadays) but I don't really post as much as I used to so here's a little update cause I'm bored and putting off shit I got to do and am going back into my bi-weekly depressive slump

nostalgia really fucking sucks the more and more distant it becomes. At this point I'm not sure if I even miss the game itself or this dumb little community or just simpler times where I didn't really have shit to do or any larger worries

2017 is 5 years ago now, and around the time I started playing here and the times gone by really fast, I have shit memory so if I'm not wrong I think the server shut down nearly a year ago now (or at least the original Helix iteration). for a long time I was really in this mindset where I'd see something or learn something or watch something and get inspired to do it on here and even when i did my every-few-month-quitting-the-serverisms I would find myself thinking about it still, and wonder how I'd ever get out of this loop

apparently its not really a conscious thing and one day you go by without thinking about making a character based off this or imagining an event based off that or seeing a meme and somehow relating it to hl2rp, and then it becomes a week and then a month without that coming up and so on.

From time to time I still do yearn for that first year I played where I couldn't wait to get home and sit down just to do the dullest fucking shit like workshifts but I still found it so fun for so long. that was so long ago I was still in middle school and now i'm in college which is weird to think about


For a second I want to disgard that "loser" mindset about this game and forum as a whole, cause it was genuinely a hobby for me for the longest time, something I could look forward to, that kept the days fresh, something I could discuss with other people (on here), have conversations about, and work towards and put my energy into something creative, and those people would show that energy back

days now have begun to mostly mesh together, there's little difference in them. I'm probably the most social I've been my entire life and at the same time feel the emptiest. I don't have any hobby, no matter how hard I try I get little to no satisfaction out of anything. don't really play any games, in fact this is the first time I've booted up my laptop in months and I probably haven't played a game on it since april.


I mentioned I started college. It's interesting, something that I like, but at the same time I despise it so much it's weird. I have to wake up at 6 am and don't get home til 6pm most days, then I do work late into the night. It's definitely beginning to take its toll on me. I think this is the first weekend since I've started that I've taken to just kick back (I had to go in on pretty much every saturday for one reason or another up until now).

the morning of the first day of college I found out that a close family member died, and I still went, which wasn't the greatest experience. got sick two weeks in and had to slog through that too since i couldn't afford to take sick days

two weeks ago I pretty much got stood up an hour before a date we had arranged, i decided to get out my comfort zone and ask someone out for the first time since middle school but i dont know if that even counts. haven't messaged me since then

i do hang out with friends, but it feels pretty empty, rigid, and regimental. we go out to the same place, discuss the same topics, then go home, repeat every other day


i think the reality of it all is beginning to set in, that this will most likely be my future for the next however many years, work and all included if i even graduate

i know this post probably sounds extremely depressing but i'm not doing too bad, i still fluctuate between being alright and that extreme depression that hits me for no discernible reason

i do really miss these forums and the game sometimes though, i doubt that it will ever be the same, but thats just part of life you gotta move on eventually

 

[Deleted member 8308]

hi

I still open the forums out of habit to scroll mindlessly for some reason (even though there isn't much to see nowadays) but I don't really post as much as I used to so here's a little update cause I'm bored and putting off shit I got to do and am going back into my bi-weekly depressive slump

nostalgia really fucking sucks the more and more distant it becomes. At this point I'm not sure if I even miss the game itself or this dumb little community or just simpler times where I didn't really have shit to do or any larger worries

2017 is 5 years ago now, and around the time I started playing here and the times gone by really fast, I have shit memory so if I'm not wrong I think the server shut down nearly a year ago now (or at least the original Helix iteration). for a long time I was really in this mindset where I'd see something or learn something or watch something and get inspired to do it on here and even when i did my every-few-month-quitting-the-serverisms I would find myself thinking about it still, and wonder how I'd ever get out of this loop

apparently its not really a conscious thing and one day you go by without thinking about making a character based off this or imagining an event based off that or seeing a meme and somehow relating it to hl2rp, and then it becomes a week and then a month without that coming up and so on.

From time to time I still do yearn for that first year I played where I couldn't wait to get home and sit down just to do the dullest fucking shit like workshifts but I still found it so fun for so long. that was so long ago I was still in middle school and now i'm in college which is weird to think about


For a second I want to disgard that "loser" mindset about this game and forum as a whole, cause it was genuinely a hobby for me for the longest time, something I could look forward to, that kept the days fresh, something I could discuss with other people (on here), have conversations about, and work towards and put my energy into something creative, and those people would show that energy back

days now have begun to mostly mesh together, there's little difference in them. I'm probably the most social I've been my entire life and at the same time feel the emptiest. I don't have any hobby, no matter how hard I try I get little to no satisfaction out of anything. don't really play any games, in fact this is the first time I've booted up my laptop in months and I probably haven't played a game on it since april.


I mentioned I started college. It's interesting, something that I like, but at the same time I despise it so much it's weird. I have to wake up at 6 am and don't get home til 6pm most days, then I do work late into the night. It's definitely beginning to take its toll on me. I think this is the first weekend since I've started that I've taken to just kick back (I had to go in on pretty much every saturday for one reason or another up until now).

the morning of the first day of college I found out that a close family member died, and I still went, which wasn't the greatest experience. got sick two weeks in and had to slog through that too since i couldn't afford to take sick days

two weeks ago I pretty much got stood up an hour before a date we had arranged, i decided to get out my comfort zone and ask someone out for the first time since middle school but i dont know if that even counts. haven't messaged me since then

i do hang out with friends, but it feels pretty empty, rigid, and regimental. we go out to the same place, discuss the same topics, then go home, repeat every other day


i think the reality of it all is beginning to set in, that this will most likely be my future for the next however many years, work and all included if i even graduate

i know this post probably sounds extremely depressing but i'm not doing too bad, i still fluctuate between being alright and that extreme depression that hits me for no discernible reason

i do really miss these forums and the game sometimes though, i doubt that it will ever be the same, but thats just part of life you gotta move on eventually

i miss it myself sometimes, it was definitely a creative outlet especially with shit like events

the actual novelty and fun of it is more or less gone now, but it’s still there

 

[Deleted member 8325]

I don’t know if this is a mental illness or issue but for some reason i can’t mix two things or games, i don’t know how to explain.
Let’s take an easy example to make it easier to understand it, if was constantly playing owerwatch and then nebulous server opens again, i’ll have to delete owerwatch in order to play neb and enjoy it, i just can’t keep up with two different aesthetics at once I can’t switch from gung and battle to dystopain world.
Please, if someone understands what im saying and knows how this is called text me.

 

[Deleted member 8325]

I don’t know if this is a mental illness or issue but for some reason i can’t mix two things or games, i don’t know how to explain.
Let’s take an easy example to make it easier to understand it, if was constantly playing owerwatch and then nebulous server opens again, i’ll have to delete owerwatch in order to play neb and enjoy it, i just can’t keep up with two different aesthetics at once I can’t switch from gung and battle to dystopain world.
Please, if someone understands what im saying and knows how this is called text me.

doesnt happen all the times tho

 

[MaXenzie]

I don’t know if this is a mental illness or issue but for some reason i can’t mix two things or games, i don’t know how to explain.
Let’s take an easy example to make it easier to understand it, if was constantly playing owerwatch and then nebulous server opens again, i’ll have to delete owerwatch in order to play neb and enjoy it, i just can’t keep up with two different aesthetics at once I can’t switch from gung and battle to dystopain world.
Please, if someone understands what im saying and knows how this is called text me.

you like saving hard drive space.

 

[Deleted member 8308]

I don’t know if this is a mental illness or issue but for some reason i can’t mix two things or games, i don’t know how to explain.
Let’s take an easy example to make it easier to understand it, if was constantly playing owerwatch and then nebulous server opens again, i’ll have to delete owerwatch in order to play neb and enjoy it, i just can’t keep up with two different aesthetics at once I can’t switch from gung and battle to dystopain world.
Please, if someone understands what im saying and knows how this is called text me.

this is not a mental illness

 

[Deleted member 8325]

this is not a mental illness

this is a normal thing?

 

[Zeenz]

you like saving hard drive space.

"I like this game but I also like space"

this is a normal thing?

I mean, none of us here are medical people, if you think it cold be speak to your GP or whoever it Is in your country.

 

[john]

this is a normal thing?

if you physically CANT and it eggs your head like crazy until you do it, you might have a few obsessive thoughts. but OCD is characterized by unwanted, reoccuring, intrusive behaviours that last from 3 to 6 hours A DAY. and this is a minor inconvenience at best. i wouldnt chalk it up to mental illness, we all have quirks and they're not worth getting worked up about unless they directly impede your life.

recourse would go to cognative behaviour therapy (wherein you expose yourself to discomfort and learn to do stuff against it, or to deal with it) anyway, and for something this minor, its just something you can do at home yourself. fight that urge, keep them games on yer drive, be uncomfortable and with time it should go away. if you dont care about this minor hiccup, then just let it be.

 

[Bruzzo]

Could someone explain the problem with day drinking and why it's unwise?

 

[Señor Jaggles]

Could someone explain the problem with day drinking and why it's unwise?

They call it "day drinking" but something tells me the time of the day is rather irrelevant to the case, the night just happens to be the most common time for people to meet up and drink casually in an entertainment environment instead of abusing beer while at home.

 

[Bruzzo]

They call it "day drinking" but something tells me the time of the day is rather irrelevant to the case, the night just happens to be the most common time for people to meet up and drink casually in an entertainment environment instead of abusing beer while at home.

right, a cup of whiskey in the morning is just like a glass of wine in the evening.

 

[Señor Jaggles]

right, a cup of whiskey in the morning is just like a glass of wine in the evening.

Yeah so long as you don't make an habit of it as it can devolve into abuse and addiction.