its not just that
im stuck like this
i can make it look different but im still in this fucking meat prison
even if we get the technology to upload consciousnesses, i can't, because that'd be a copy of me, not me
its a fucking sick joke
and god we can just forget about relationships altogether
im already an abrasive, average-looking-at-best dickhead, adding this to that dumpster fire isnt helping much
Dude if i some how could get girls when i was 15-17 theres no way in hell that you wont be able to get someone to ride it out with you. You are who you are and you cant change it. Theres no need to, you dont change who you are at heart and you fucking stay with it.
Since you bring up relationships, relationships arent to be maintained or pursued, they naturally happen. You just wait, and if you feel it to be correct, you let it happen. You should be everything with that person and everything without them, you have no right to bring your self loathing into someone elses life, you love yourself before others.
Take care of yourself first and come to terms and acceptance of who you are before the company of significant others. Think of it like a puzzle, everyone is different in a thousand different ways and everyone has their own, personalized, unique puzzle like no one elses. When you find that someone who you think fits into that puzzle, that will be the last piece, bit think of it like a middle piece, you dont NEED that piece, its just nice to have to make the whole picture fit, but that doesnt mean it will fall apart. Dont change yourself to fit into someone elses personal puzzle and dont accept a piece that clearly doesnt fucking fit.
Grow a pair (Metaphorically) and stand up for yourself, get a spine and accept who you are at heart and perfect who you are.