Joke of the Day

[Wezselius]

A German, a Dutchman and Belgian are standing ready to be executed by a firing squad.

The German didn't want to be executed and made a escape plan. Just seconds before their execution the German screamed 'EARTHQUAKE'. The firing squad panicked and looked for cover while the German made his escape. The firing squad returned to their position noticing that the German has escaped and they continued with their task.

Now the Dutchman saw the German running away and he knew what to do next. The firing squad stood ready to shoot and just seconds before firing the Dutchman yells "TORNADO" and again the squad panics and looks for cover while this time the Dutchman escapes.

The firing squad returned to their position noticing that the Dutchman had escaped and they continued with their task. The Belgian knew now what to do, he quickly made a same plan to escape. The firing squad was ready to shoot and aimed their rifles. The Belgian yelled out loud "FIRE"

 

[The Stummy God]

Three American boys, one skinny, one fat, and one stupid, all went to investigate a rumour they heard at the playground. Apparently the slide was magic, and whatever you say as you slide down it will rain apon you in abundance.

So the skinny boy, the bravest and the smartest of the three, slid down and said, "Dollar bills!" And in that moment, money rained down from the sky onto him, he hastily collected the cash into his pockets as the fat boy stepped up.

The fat boy sat at the top of the slide thinking, the structure was creaky and uneasy, his sheer weight knocking some of the bolts loose and bending the metal frame. He decided what he wanted and as he slid down he said, "Twinkies!" And in that moment, pastry hailed from the sky, the boy even catching one in his mouth as he reached the bottom.

It was the now the stupid boys turn, he climbed to the top and without caution, jumped onto the slide, but as he slid down it broke under him, in the boys fright he yelped, "Oh shit!"

 

[Ibarra]

What is an astronaut's favorite part on a computer?

The space bar.

 

[The Stummy God]

What is an astronaut's favorite part on a computer?

The space bar.

 

[dvn]

a pedophile, priest and child molester walk into a bar.
he orders a beer.

 

[The Rock]

What do you call a dinosaur that uses cheap toilet paper?

Megasoreass.

 

[Ibarra]

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

Hold onto your nuts this is no ordinary blow job.

 

[The Rock]

What did the grape do when he got stepped on.

He let out a little wine


I have returned to my home with my bad jokes.
[doublepost=1594377694][/doublepost]What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer?

The space bar.

 

[The Rock]

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

 

[Sil]

How could you tell the Bucket didn't get out in the sun very often?

Because the Bucket was pail.

 

[Trains]

GOT 'EM PART FIVE @Civil Protection

fuck you fuck you FUCK YOU FUCK OY


uh

joke

what do you call a deer with no eyes
no idea

 

[WeakenedHen5]

So an Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are in Dubai when they are arrested for drinking in a pub as it’s highly offensive to their culture

The Sheik says to the men “You are all sentenced to fifty lashes, however as you are from foreign lands I will grant you all one wish.”

The Englishman steps up first and says “I wish for a pillow to be tied to my back before the lashes are given”

The whip tears through the pillow and the Englishman is thrown to the side, battered and bruised

The Scotsman says “I wish for a mattress to be tied to my back”

The mattress is shredded and the Scotsman lays off to the side, covered in blood.

The Irishman steps up and says “I wish for 100 lashes”

The Sheik laughs at him and admires his bravery, he says “For this brave act and the fact you are from the lands of saints and scholars, I will give you one more wish”

The Irishman smiles and says “I wish for the Englishman to be tied to my back”

 

[The Rock]

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.

It’s not like I did anything.

 

[jb]

I hate when my wife gets mad at me for being lazy.

It’s not like I did anything.

I Hope You Win For This One The Rock

 

[chronos]

this is @The Rock 's thread

everyone else gets telted

 

[The Rock]

The mountains aren't just funny, they're...

Hill areas.

 

[jb]

The mountains aren't just funny, they're...

Hill areas.

another winner from da rock

 

[The Rock]

Man: “Doctor I feel like a supermarket"

Doctor: “How long have you felt like this?”

Man: “Ever since I was Lidl.”

 

[The Rock]

I wanted to name my son Lance, but my wife said it was too uncommon.

I told her that in medieval days, people were named Lance a lot.

 

[Husky]

Why are Jews Claustraphobic?

Spoiler

Because they don't believe in Santa Claus